2012 Review (I did what?!)

At this point in the year, finishing off 'only' 10lbs lighter than I started... I'm not going to lie, I feel like a failure.  All those workouts, all my tracking, all for what... 10 measly pounds?

Well, lets break it down a bit here.  I started out the year with the 30 day shred and completed it...

Then I took on Chalean Extreme for 3 months. I finished month one and two but in April I injured my hip and stopped most activity aside from walking.

Speaking of my hip injury, I injured it during a 14 KILOMETER run!  Who would have thought... especially when I was 307lbs that I (Megan Armstrong) would RUN for 14k straight! Well I did stop to pee once, but other than that, I did NOT stop!

After that I took it pretty easy until June.  I struggled during that time, feeling like a failure with my injury and ate my feelings.  Then one of my friends suggested... THE KUSAM KLIMB (caps for dramatic effect only... I'm not really yelling people). Just a brief overview (you can click the link for full details) but it was a 23k course up and over a freaking mountain... and I saw a real live hungry bear.

After the climb my knee and hip still weren't treating me well so I drifted in the land of the unknown, a place where I wanted to workout but couldn't for... pretty much the rest of the year.  I tried Weight Watchers from August to October, but had to quit due to the fact that I got infected with child.  (<= That is just my dry humor, I absolutely LOVE whatever being I am creating in uterus land... Just in case you think I'm horrible for referring to my pregnancy that way... trust me, I've said WAY worse).

Then came morning sickness, fatigue and all the other joys that aren't super conducive to living a super healthy lifestyle.

Also the second half of the year I have had to deal with my own personal battle with anxiety and a few other personal family issues that took my focus away.

SO... *breath*  even though I am 'only' 10lbs lighter, I have also accomplished amazing things, I have gained a fetus, and I am (currently) back on track living a healthy lifestyle (thanks to no more morning sickness and not being as big as a whale yet!).

One last thing, and its definitely not the least... I have been a pretty darn awesome mom to my two kiddos!!

Lots of people are talking about goals for next year.  This new years, I'm not putting any extra pressure on anything. I will try my best to live each day to its full potential while balancing it with relaxation, family time and rest off my feet once I'm at full-blown-fetal-capacity!

Ready for September!

Taking some down time today.  Time to just relax and go where the day takes us.  Even if that means just playing, cleaning and watching movies all day.

Spring/Summer always has me feeling exhausted and over-reached by the end because I focus so much on getting my kids out and experiencing exciting things.  This year we've gone to parks, Butterfly World, Beacon Hill Petting Zoo, numerous community events, hiked, camped, seen logger sports, gone boating, gone to the top of mountains, seen giant sand castles, bumper boats, monster trucks, car races and much much more.

Between running my daycare (with my two kiddos in it) 40-50 hours a week, then taking my kids out to do things every weekend and only have one "family" day per week (as my husband works 6 days a week currently) its no wonder I have been off-track this summer.  I'm lucky I have handled my weight as good as I have, not to mention my hip injury.

With another stressful week ahead of me, I am welcoming September with open arms.

On Friday I had to say good-bye to one of my daycare families who has been with me almost 2 years, and next Friday I will have to say good-bye to 3 more.  I've had to say goodbye to a lot of kids in my career, but these are the first set that I have been with every day, 5 days a week, for two years plus.  It's affecting me a lot more than I anticipated.  I find myself hoping I have done my job and helped prepare them to take on their new adventures.  I'm also sad for my kids and the few I have staying, to lose their friends who they have grown to love over the last few years.  I wonder/hope these children will still remember me in a few years. I know I don't remember ANY of my daycare teachers from that age.

I would like to handle these feeling by going out for a run, but this STUPID hip injury has me limited to biking, weights and low-impact cardio... Its just not the same!!

I really feel like September will be getting back to normal and allowing me to focus on myself more.  All my transitions will be complete, and I'll be ready to make some new goals.  I have the book "The New Rules Of Lifting For Women" on its way, and I'm hoping I like it and can start it at the gym.  I also should be recovering from my hip injury and be able to get out running again.  September just seems like such a good time to re-focus, even more than I already have.  I'm not off-track right now, but I'm not going full steam ahead either.

Aftermath of a mountain climb

Here are a couple of the professional pics taken.  This first one is of my arrival to the Medic hut after you're finished manoeuvring all the steep downhill sections of the mountain.  I was SO relieved to get to this point!!

This second one was when I crossed the finish-line.   I don't care that my time wasn't great, considering there were points where I really wasn't sure I was even going to make the finish line.

Since the race I have been babying my body.  My muscles were pretty sore for the first few days.  After the normal soreness wore off I have recognized that I have some remaining minor injuries that may take a little longer to heal.  My achilles, my knee, and one of my shoulders are still giving me some trouble so I have decided to wait to start the gym again until Tuesday next week.

While I was on my hike I was speaking with Marie (a member of my adopting tribe) who runs marathons, and she gave me some great ideas on how to train for a marathon (or half-marathon in my case) with low-impact exercise.  So once I get going again at the gym, I'd like to start training towards my half marathon in October... Its only about 3 months away!!

I realized while climbing Mount H'Kusam, that I was definitely going to be able to complete my half-marathon in 3 months time.  I climbed a mountain for 7 hours with my heart-rate between 160-180, so running for 3 hours (hopefully less) with my heart-rate between 140-160 is something I CAN do.  I will also be very thankful and happy to be running on mostly flat surface with beautiful views to look at!

Can't wait to be feeling better physically and back on the path to success!!

My weight has gone up again  as well.  I'm sitting at 224lbs right now.  I'm not exactly "proud" of this, but its where I am, and hopefully I will be taking care of that soon!

Took the plunge

Today I finally made a big decision/commitment to motivate me to be back on track.

I joined a GYM.

I haven't been big on gyms because every time I join, I go for a few months and then stop. Sound familiar anyone? I mean please, tell me I'm not the only one.

This will actually be my third time joining THIS particular gym. I went there 5 years ago and 5-6 years before that. I have also had memberships to at least two other gyms.

Third time is the charm right?

I actually think that last time I said "I'm never signing a gym contract again!" ha ha, oops, I guess I temporarily forgot that.

This time will be different... No really, it will!  I sound like such a dieter's cliché right now.

I'll tell you why I believe this time is different.

1. I have been committed to my fitness for 9 months already
2. I have a ton of fitness related goals
3. I don`t give a shit what other people think about me any more (well almost)
4. I naturally get up earlier these days so working out in the morning isn`t as daunting.
5. The gym has newer equipment... I like newer equipment.
6. And supposedly I am more mature and stuff now...

Right now I think that being less active is REALLY wearing on me. I'm a better person when I'm exercising, and since I can't run outside or basically do anything that I enjoy doing at home, I need adapt and develop a routine that will hopefully reduce the risk of injury when I do finally get back into running.

So here it goes.  Hopefully I don't turn this into a mistake. 

Holding steady...

5 weeks into my injury.

5 weeks of no running.

4 weeks of maintenance and some over indulging.

I haven't been writing much because I'm not too sure what I should report.

There is a big part of me that feels like a gigantic failure for going into maintenance.  I have given up on reaching 199 by my birthday because I found I was stressing about it TOO much and was having all these anxious obsessive thoughts about it.

I feel weak for admitting that I needed wanted a mental break.

I also had a bunch of stuff go on in a short amount of time which proved one thing.  I'm not cured.  I used food to comfort myself.  My husband changed jobs, I got injured, I've been sick and sick again, laryngitis and then gastroenteritis, and my plantar fasciitis is acting up a lot.  Guess what?  Its really just a whole bunch of excuses, and I accepted them.

Regardless of all that, I still feel strong.  I know I'm not done, and  I KNOW I will be back on track shortly.  I am 100% confident that I will not backslide, and that I will be back to making progress in the very near future.

I'm not completely off-track either, just not making any progress and enjoying not restricting myself!

Going back into 2.0 mode

I'm ready.

I didn't really explain why I was taking a break on here, but I'm feeling better and ready to get real with you/me.  

Stress

When I hurt my hip, I figured I would be off for a week and started out with a pretty great attitude towards it all.  I was totally on-track with my foods for the week and I was dropping pounds.  Then my hip didn't get better and to be honest it freaked me out a little.  (My hip is still messed up)

At the end of my low-cal week I was done with it and was frustrated because I wanted to eat more, exercise and still be able to lose weight at the same pace.  With me holding 199 over my head I have been doing the countdown and I know how much I have to lose each week to attain that goal.  Being injured doesn't really help with my plan at all.   I do not intend to EVER use a long term specific scale goal ever again because it is just too much pressure for me.

My Husband was offered a new job out of the blue last week, and it really stressed me out. I really want to feel stable financially so job changes always make me feel pretty anxious. (Big Breath) He starts tomorrow.  I'm feeling much better about the move now that its had a little time to sink in, and I think it will be a good fit for him.

I mentioned at the end of my last post that I may have been "onto something" the last time I lost weight and did it in stages.  I was so much more proud of myself and appreciative of every pound I lost.  I was HAPPY if I lost 5lbs in a month.  I was much more relaxed in my attempt to lose weight and it took much less mental energy.  I think I need to take a lesson from myself and stop putting so much pressure on myself.  Easier said than done I know, but I think in the long run it will help me to avoid the Up/Down roller coaster I've been on lately.

Now, I say SCREW 199.  At least screw getting there by my deadline of June 22nd.  I will pass it eventually, and that will still be an extremely rewarding day, but I need to take the pressure off because its messing with my head.  

So for the last 4 days I moved myself up to maintenance and indulged in foods that I haven't had in a long time, and didn't worry about my calories.  I tracked it all just to keep it honest, but I really just had anything I wanted.  None of it made me feel any better about my current situation, but it did help me realize that food can't actually make anything better.

I've got lots left to work on, but I'm going to try to take it one day at a time.  I'll do what I can (without driving myself insane in the process) to keep moving forward regardless of the pace.

Times are a changin!

NOTE: For those of you who don't know me personally, and even for some of you that do, I am not perfect.  I make mistakes, my strength is intermittent, and although I try, sometimes I fail.  In this blog I will celebrate my successes, but I will ALSO share many of my failures.  I do this because I am working on putting ME out there and not just the good side.  I also do this because I want to show that failure doesn't have to hold us back, and that we can learn and conquer even if we aren't perfect.

With respect to weight-loss, so many people (including myself) when faced with disappointment completely jump off the wagon, and run the other way.  They might have a weak moment and have something that is not on their plan, might not work out one day, might completely BOMB one week and then they think they screwed it up.  YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE PERFECT TO SUCCEED AT WEIGHT-LOSS, YOU JUST HAVE TO KEEP TRYING!

• Maybe its not coming off as fast as you want, but it will still come off eventually if you keep trying. 
• Maybe you fucked up and ate a cake, but if you keep trying you'll burn off that cake and the 2047 other cupcakes that got you where you were when you started.
• Maybe you got injured and can't do your normal exercise, but if you keep trying you'll find there are 890 other exercises you can do and will be able to be in better shape when your injury is healed.
• Maybe you slipped up every day for two weeks, but if you keep trying you'll stop slipping up!

Every DAY is a new beginning people!!  Guess what!!?? It doesn't MATTER what you did yesterday any more...  What matters is what you do today!!

So, in other news:


I've mentioned before how when my hubby would go out to play poker, I used to eat to "get back at him".

Well tonight is Friday night.  For the first time in over a month, my husband will be leaving me to go out and play poker.  In the last month I have realized that I actually LIKE the time to myself.  I have missed my Friday nights doing my own thing.

So what are my plans for tonight?  I don't plan on ordering pizza, or making him bring me home desert.  Tonight I am excited to get my shred on, followed by The Biggest Loser Ultimate Workout for Kinect and Just Dance 3!  If I'm still feeling like staying up after, I'm going to watch a chick-flick!

Ok, so I know its not wild and crazy, it might even be a little lame, but I am going to enjoy myself!

I am currently on day five of the 30 Day Shred by Jillian Michaels.  My New Years Challenge is to do the 3 levels of this workout for 10 days each in January, in addition to 3 hours of cardio per week.  I'm doing pretty good so far, it keeps challenging me, but is easier mentally to accomplish because it goes by quickly so the entire workout is like a count-down.

40 LBS DOWN!

Wow.  Did I think I would be here 105 days ago?  NO WAY.  I wished, I hoped, but was so scared I would get discouraged.  I've had my struggles so far, but right now I know that I am on my way!  It's weird but 40 just seems so much more substantial that any other number so far. 40lbs is a LOT! (Side note: I was almost done writing this when I realised that I am also down 60lbs total! Talk about a mind-blower)

*Happy Dance*

I just feel so pumped and ready to go for my January challenge.  

So proud of this accomplishment, especially this week with Christmas. I lost 2.5lbs doing two days at maintenance calories, enjoying Christmas.  Yep, I had rum and eggnog, turkey dinner, pumpkin pie, eggs benedict, two candy cane donuts, buckeyes, a ginger cookie, and roast beef dinner.  They key was, I had it all in MODERATION!! Also I know I won't eat like that every day because the sugar makes me crash, and all that food makes me feel bloated.

On Christmas day I went on a run.  I was so proud of myself that I actually got out there!  I decided to test-drive my new Asics running shoes, and the sun was totally calling my name.  Unfortunately my knee started bothering me about 2km in and at 3.5km I had to stop.  I hyper-extended it the other day when I was improperly getting off the elliptical.  It didn't bother me during my next workout so I assumed it would be ok to go... apparently I was wrong :(

This is me before, during and post Christmas run

So, this week I'm going to take it easy on the knee, and continue to baby my arches.  This week I plan on going for a few walks, doing a few Tae Bo workouts, and a few gym workouts.  I want to lose 2lbs to get to my modified goal of 245lbs by New Years!  It will be great to start January (and my challenge) off so close to the 230s.  Its funny,  what once seemed impossible, now seems within reach!  My biggest goal so far is to be in onederland (under 200) by the time I turn 30 in June.  Once I get there I will re-assess my plan and continue on the last 55lbs :)  

Hard Work - Dedication

Weight-loss: You don't need to be the fastest to win, you just have to keep going!