I'm hanging on!

So remember earlier in the week when I was saying how I had been emotionally eating?

Well I am happy to report that I have bounced back and still have 28 of my weekly points in tact along with 23 of my activity points earned (so far).   Thank goodness.  I think Pumpkin Fluff saved me yesterday, because I was set on having something sweet.

I was just reading this article with weight loss tips over at Everydayhealth.com and it got me thinking about my own sleep habits.  I do notice that when I am tired, my willpower becomes weak.  That could have been part of my problems on Monday because I had been up later than usual watching a movie on Sunday night...

What do you think? Does sleep affect your eating patterns?

Anyhow.  After taking my progress pictures yesterday, I think I am really starting to be proud of the progress I have made so far.  I mentioned yesterday that sometimes I still feel like my before picture, and I do, but now I can see such a significant change that it's helping me realize that even when I mess up, I am no where near where I started and I DO have the strength to keep going!!

I Am Tough Enough!

Ready for September!

Taking some down time today.  Time to just relax and go where the day takes us.  Even if that means just playing, cleaning and watching movies all day.

Spring/Summer always has me feeling exhausted and over-reached by the end because I focus so much on getting my kids out and experiencing exciting things.  This year we've gone to parks, Butterfly World, Beacon Hill Petting Zoo, numerous community events, hiked, camped, seen logger sports, gone boating, gone to the top of mountains, seen giant sand castles, bumper boats, monster trucks, car races and much much more.

Between running my daycare (with my two kiddos in it) 40-50 hours a week, then taking my kids out to do things every weekend and only have one "family" day per week (as my husband works 6 days a week currently) its no wonder I have been off-track this summer.  I'm lucky I have handled my weight as good as I have, not to mention my hip injury.

With another stressful week ahead of me, I am welcoming September with open arms.

On Friday I had to say good-bye to one of my daycare families who has been with me almost 2 years, and next Friday I will have to say good-bye to 3 more.  I've had to say goodbye to a lot of kids in my career, but these are the first set that I have been with every day, 5 days a week, for two years plus.  It's affecting me a lot more than I anticipated.  I find myself hoping I have done my job and helped prepare them to take on their new adventures.  I'm also sad for my kids and the few I have staying, to lose their friends who they have grown to love over the last few years.  I wonder/hope these children will still remember me in a few years. I know I don't remember ANY of my daycare teachers from that age.

I would like to handle these feeling by going out for a run, but this STUPID hip injury has me limited to biking, weights and low-impact cardio... Its just not the same!!

I really feel like September will be getting back to normal and allowing me to focus on myself more.  All my transitions will be complete, and I'll be ready to make some new goals.  I have the book "The New Rules Of Lifting For Women" on its way, and I'm hoping I like it and can start it at the gym.  I also should be recovering from my hip injury and be able to get out running again.  September just seems like such a good time to re-focus, even more than I already have.  I'm not off-track right now, but I'm not going full steam ahead either.

Everyday I'm Gym'n it!

Ok, not really everyday, but every weekday I am home, I plan to gym it.  I know its only day two but spending an hour each morning to myself, possibly getting my Netflix affair back ON feels like a win/win to me!

This morning I was a little tired when I got up, but still just as excited.  I even made it there 5 whole minutes earlier than yesterday.  I thought about joining the spin class, but it still seems pretty intimidating.  I feel weird because I don't know the typical group class etiquette.  Like what if I unknowingly take someone's favorite spot and then they turn into an angry honey-badger and curse me out in their heads the whole class. Am I supposed to just grab whichever bike I want? Do I introduce myself to the teacher as a newbie, or is that tacky and overboard? Achem, because cool people like me worry about that stuff.

On a more positive note I did try something new today: The Row Machine.  I had stared at this one before. I *may* have rolled my eyes at it and thought "Who would want to row at the gym? That seems like a cop-out workout."  (Yes, I too can be judgemental, but I am SO MUCH BETTER about it than I used to be).  Since I am still (WTF) injured, and needing low-impact cardio, and the step machine didn't help the situation I decided it was time.  Time to try the row machine.  I really only felt awkward for the first 5 minutes.  The last 5 minutes were good until my arms and back were spent.

Verdict on the gym so far... I LOVE IT!

On the nutrition side of things is a whole new story.

*WARNING*  -- Lack of perfection ahead

So I'm pretty much in full blown "I feel like a failure mode".  In the last 8 weeks... (taking a breath, holy shit its been 8 weeks) since my hip injury, I have had two good weeks, two botched comebacks, lots of bad days and some good days.  I tracked EVERYTHING up until a week ago.  I feel like in the last two months tracking has not been helping me, its been hurting me.  All these guilty feelings and stress have been causing me to spiral a little bit out of  way out of control.  On May 31st I was 217.6 so I had only gained 2.8lbs from my lowest in April so even though I have spiralled, its not AS bad as it could have been.  I'm probably sitting around 221/222 right now with water retention and increased food intake.

My current plan is:

1. focus on getting my GYM on  
2. relax a little bit
3. work on the root problems to why I gained weight in the first place

I feel like number 3 is the most important going forward because I felt the change in my confidence and mojo as soon as I hit the 220's.   Like a ton of bricks hitting me, something inside just said STOP.  I need to get to the bottom of this so I can move forward and so when I get to my goal I can stay there.

So there you have it, the good, bad, funny, and the painfully awkward.

Holding steady...

5 weeks into my injury.

5 weeks of no running.

4 weeks of maintenance and some over indulging.

I haven't been writing much because I'm not too sure what I should report.

There is a big part of me that feels like a gigantic failure for going into maintenance.  I have given up on reaching 199 by my birthday because I found I was stressing about it TOO much and was having all these anxious obsessive thoughts about it.

I feel weak for admitting that I needed wanted a mental break.

I also had a bunch of stuff go on in a short amount of time which proved one thing.  I'm not cured.  I used food to comfort myself.  My husband changed jobs, I got injured, I've been sick and sick again, laryngitis and then gastroenteritis, and my plantar fasciitis is acting up a lot.  Guess what?  Its really just a whole bunch of excuses, and I accepted them.

Regardless of all that, I still feel strong.  I know I'm not done, and  I KNOW I will be back on track shortly.  I am 100% confident that I will not backslide, and that I will be back to making progress in the very near future.

I'm not completely off-track either, just not making any progress and enjoying not restricting myself!

Battles of Weight-loss

For some people weight-loss is straight forward. Its simple and easy and all they need to do is simply eat less and move more.

Those people piss me off make me jealous!

My current status is "back on track" and I'm feeling pretty good about it.  I have an excellent day planned out today.  Check out my super fantastic lunch salad!

I also plan on having Shepard's Pie for dinner followed by my new favorite: greek yogurt with peanut butter, bananas, french vanilla splenda and graham grackers. 

Anyhow.  For most of us losing and maintaining weight is a constant battle, no lets make that WAR. Yes a war with many smaller battles.  My battle last week "Storm week" was a challenging one, one which I lost.  When I look back at my food diary on MFP, I can tell the battle was brewing before I even realized.  I had started eating treats more often, just fitting them into my calories, and slacking here and there with food prep and will-power.  

All I can do now, is prepare myself for the next battle by gaining momentum and getting back to the basics again.  Healthy foods, exercise, and will-power.  

The last time I lost a battle that bad was December.  I had 3 weeks total where I was very hit-or-miss with my food intake.  A few days before new years I was able to re-focus and get back on track.  

Weight-loss isn't always easy, its not always straight-forward, and you really have to fight for it. You'll have to take unplanned hits in the face, and brush the dirt off and keep going, you may need to take time-off or call in more supporters, you might lose 10 battles in a row, but in the end, you'll win if you keep fighting. 

I'm in battle-mode bitches.  Bring it on!

TGIF!

The last week I do not know what has gotten into me.  I just feel run down.  Last night I had a tickle in my throat so its possible that I could be coming down with something.  I suppose its possible I could be a little run-down, but I have been exercising less (although more intense with my weights).  Regardless of why, I'm taking it easy this week. It's the opposite of what I would have liked to do since weigh-in and progress pics are just around the corner.  

Other than Tuesday my eating has been on track.  I guess I can celebrate that.  Usually when I'm tired, my willpower weakens and those are the times I end up in the most trouble.  Last night I found myself having a conversation with ME in my head.  "Why do I feel anxious right now? Could it be weigh-in?  Mmmm I want something delicious.  NO, I just had something delicious (bananas, greek yogurt and graham cracker crumbs), I'm not hungry and I don't need anything".

Why do negative things always seem more prominent that the positives?  It's not like I've been sedentary and binge eating. I still walked Monday and Thursday, and did my ChaLEAN lifting workouts, and oh yeah RAN 10k on Sunday.  **

I this is where I usually run into problems with my "extremist" side.  I end up feeling like a failure if I'm only giving 80% instead of 110%. How do I plan on overcoming that now, and in the future.  Well, first thing is recognizing it.  Done.  Next is to write about it. Doing.  Then I need to recognize that I am still miles away from where I started and moving in the right direction.  I may not be going at the same pace as I like to, but regardless I will get there. 

I'm going to give my body a few more days of easy, and then I want to hit next week HARD!  I start ChaLEAN Push phase on Monday, and I'm really excited to build some more muscle!

**I love writing these blogs.  Sometimes, half-way through a post, I'll have a realization that helps me see something I was not able to see before.  Where the astrisks are is right where this happened for me today :)

Apparently I needed that rest day!!

Yesterday, I was absolutely worn out. I had planned on working out but my body was screaming at me to rest! So I decided to call it a snuggle day and spent the day hanging out with my babies, and even enjoyed a nap when they did too!!

Today we had a lazy morning and decided to go out for breakfast.  My Husband works almost every single Saturday so Sundays are our family days, they are very important to us!  

Here are my kiddos out to Breakfast this morning!!

Annalisa decided to read the Menu!

I planned on taking pictures of my food, but it didn't come as ordered and I was PISSED!  I made good choices any ways. I had a mushroom and cheese omelet and planned for 2 pancakes, but only ate one!  

After breakfast we had to pick some things up from Walmart for the week. When we were on our way back out to the car I remembered I forgot something and said "Oh crap"... My son decided to choose that moment to repeat his first "semi-swear".  It was kinda funny, I'm not gonna lie!

We got the kids loaded in the car, I figured this would be the perfect time for my run because Hubby could just drive home and get the kids down for their nap!  

Now, from Walmart home is about 9k.  I figured I would run 5k, and walk the rest. This is me in the Walmart parking lot, ready to head out.  Also I bought a belt to carry my water while I was there, I now understand why people buy those belts with 4 little bottle instead of one big one!

Here are a few of the sights I saw along the way... P.S. Taking pictures while running is NOT as easy as one might think!

As you can see the weather was amazing, after 5k I decided keep going.  I got to 8k, and decided I was going to GO FOR IT! I had to extend my route slightly but I made it, I RAN 10K people!!!!  SO EXCITED!!!  

Lesson learned body, I will listen to you and give you rest when you need so you make make me accomplish great things even when I don't think I can!!

Things change, and lessons I've learned

**Disclaimer** This is my place to write out what I am going through, I am writing it here to put it out in the open, but I am by no means saying that this is about you or your journey, or even that it will work for you, it is strictly about ME and MY JOURNEY.

When I first started this journey I had my idea of how it was supposed to go. No matter how much reading, or talking I did, no one could talk me out of it, because I justified it ALL.

• Move as much as possible, cardio, cardio, cardio, BURN those calories
• Cardio now, Strength later (like when I'm done or close to goal)
• The closer to 1200 calories, the better
• No "bad" foods, because you have to eat clean to lose weight, and those are what got you fat in the first place
• Losing weight is hard and painful and you won't enjoy it
• Lose the weight as fast as possible

The result, I lost weight.  BUT I felt like a failure every time I didn't burn enough calories, have the energy to workout, ate something "bad",  or lost less than 2lbs.  I felt like when I enjoyed my exercise I must not have given it my all.

Basically I was torturing and punishing myself for allowing my body to get into the state it was in.

For me, things have changed. It's been gradual, one thing evolving at a time. First, I LOVE my cardio, and will get it in when I can but I don't beat myself up if I 'only' burn 250 calories in a day.

I am finding that I absolutely love strength training.  I'm finding muscles popping out all over the place, and my body feels different.  It really sunk in for me after months of trying to deny it, that the rest of my journey will be easier, and more well-rounded if I strength train now. Not to mention all that muscle will help me look better and burn more fat in the process.  The numbers *may* not drop as quickly but the progress will be there.

I now eat between 1800-1900 calories per day on average.  What I have noticed, is that my energy is higher and way more consistent than when I was eating 1300-1500cals a day.  I used to have an almost yo-yo effect where one week I felt great and kept my calories around 1300-1400, and then the next week I would crash, miss workouts, and often those were the times where I would lose control of my eating.

There is so much conflicting information out there about what is the 'right' diet.  "Don't eat sweets, fruit is better", "Fruit is too high in sugar and carbs, eat vegetables",  "Meat is bad for you", "carbs are bad for you", "fat is bad for you". I started trying to eat as clean as possible.  That lasted a whole DAY.  Every time I ate something that wasn't a vegetable I felt like a failure.  These days, I just try to make more good choices than bad, and if I'm under my cal goal, then I'm happy.  I eat more fruits and vegetables now, but not because I am "supposed to". Now I do it simple because I enjoy them, I know they nourish my body, some of them actually taste pretty good, and they are usually lower calorie and help keep me feeling full longer.  I try not to think of many foods as 'bad'.  I try to think of foods on a scale, one side being foods I should eat more of, and the other being foods I should eat less of.  Just last week, I had pizza and cheesecake one night, and margaritas and sliders another, but I also had a lot of healthier meals to balance it all out.

While there are definitely parts of this journey that are hard and and painful, I DO enjoy it.  I look forward to my runs (mostly because I still remember a time where I couldn't run at all), I look forward to lifting with Chalene, and even the pain I experience after said lifting.  It STARTS as a struggle every day, but eventually I struggle less and succeed more.  I guess I would still say "It's not easy", I mean just this morning I almost chose not to workout.  I ended up getting up 30 minutes later and then getting it done, I just cut it close.

At the beginning of this journey I was very "balls to the wall".  I was an extremist.  After watching John in Biggest Loser 12, I started to recognize this and realized that if I wanted to be successful over the long-term I was going to need to REALLY work on moderation and long-term living.  THERE IS NO END to this journey so what I do to live a healthier life has to be things that I feel that I can maintain for a very long time.

With all that being said, this is where I am at NOW.  This journey is a process, and I expect that there are parts of it that will change and evolve even more.  Hell, maybe I will become a "clean eater" one day.  I'm just not there right now, and thats ok with me :)

Re-United and it feels so GOOD!

The reason I started my Facebook page and my blog was simple, I needed support.

If you have read my "about" section of my Facebook page or some of my earlier posts, you will see that my friend Crystal was my original support system.  My husband was there shortly after, but (sorry hunny) was not quite AS effective just simply for the fact that he couldn't exactly relate to what I was going through and wasn't as "gung-ho" as I was.

Crystal pushed me to start my journey and was there almost every day.  She heard many of my meal plans, every calorie over, every binge, every pound lost, every struggle, every workout, she heard about it ALL (sometimes multiple times).

Crystal had planned to take a 2 month+ trip to Thailand.  To me, the scariest part of her going wasn't missing her help at work, but more the support and (ok I can't think of a 'hipper' way to say this) companionship that she gave me.

Knowing that I was going to be vulnerable when left without having to be accountable to anyone I decided to take the step.  I started my Facebook page, and a week or two later my blog.  I decided to say "SCREW IT" and let all my Facebook family and friends in on my endeavour.  What did I have to lose, they already knew I was fat... I mean it's not like you can hide that sort of thing!

My Facebook page and blog have been a huge part in my sanity life these last few months and I never imagined I would find this whole community of people!

Today, I saw Crystal for the first time in just over 2 months.  SO HAPPY to have her back!  Don't worry, I won't be abandoning my page or blog any time soon.   I think it will help keep me balanced and maybe Crystal won't have to hear about it AS much!

I just have to celebrate now,I totally rocked this life-challenge!! I was nervous that without her around I would be more likely to slip or eat bad things during the day, but I can say with 100% certainty that I rocked it!!  Yes it was harder, and yes I missed my buddy, but I did really well "on my own"/ with a whole new networked support system that may not always be physically present but was definitely present none-the-less!

Long Term goals = SCARY

Last night I was doing a mirror evaluation of myself. Trying to see differences in my body. I see some. In the side-by-side pics I can see it, but the mirror is an ass! Ok maybe my head is an ass. Here I am, down 71 pounds (51 from Sept.) and I can't really see a huge difference.

Then I got thinking,  I started my last weight-loss journey at 240 pounds. Only 4 pounds difference from where I sit now. It took me 2 years back then to lose the weight. I didn't have MyFitnessPal or running apps, or really much of anything. My commitment wavered, I went in bursts. 20lbs in 3 months, then 4 months of nothing, 40lbs in 6 months just from running, and the last 30 came off over the next year by half-heartedly balancing my meals and walking EVERYWHERE!

Now at first I felt discouraged, like "here I am starting all over again". I have so far to go.

Then I realized, I have never been so committed, so driven, and so consistent with my efforts for this long straight EVER. I just passed the 5 month mark, and have lost 50lbs. I'm no where NEAR quitting, in fact, I'm pretty dam sure I'm going to finish this thing.

Thinking about the long-term goal can be good, but it can also be scary.  Its a good thing I have all my short-term goals to keep me focussed because losing another 60-90lbs seems like a LOT.

My next short-term goal is to complete ChaLEAN Extreme, and continue my running program.  After that is ONEDERLAND, and after that, my half-marathon!  Hopefully when I'm done with my half-marathon training I can start Turbo Fire because I have been waiting for what seems like EVER to try it!

Image Source

So, after I was finished with this thinking last night I decided to get to sleep early so I could have lots of energy today.  Do you know what happens whenever I make a concious decision to go to bed early? Shit hits the fan  My kids always end up having a rough night sleeping, thus requiring myself NOT to sleep. Last night my baby girl had a tummy ache. I could tell because every 15min or so she woke up and bounced, then cried and tried to get comfy.  As much as I am tired, there was a part of me (a sick apparently non-sleep-cherishing part of me) who enjoyed every moment of comforting her.  The last time she slept in my bed was well over 6 months ago.  

All this means that today I am tired, I'm still going to work out, but I am tired.  Although my husband did bring me a coffee and a donut, so hopefully the caffeine will help carry me through the day and I can get some good shut-eye happening tonight!

Struggling.

Well its been a few days since I posted.

Well I had 3 not-so-great days last week, and this week I just had one.  I didn't go over my calories with exercise but I KNOW I could have made better choices.

I'm getting nervous about my end of month weigh-in. I know I'm not really supposed to see big numbers, but I still would like to.

I'm feeling nervous that if I don't see much improvement I will feel like I just wasted a month.  On the other hand, I KNOW I am making progress.  I ran 8 kilometres (5 miles for my US residents), and that is huge for me!!  Seriously, at 236 (ish) pounds I ran for an hour and 15 minutes straight.  What a big accomplishment!  Also I am really liking Chalene Extreme, my muscles are always feeling worked, and I know I'm already getting stronger.

I guess its just the mental part.  It's not as easy as saying "I don't give a crap what the scale says".  There is a whole lot more work I will have to do to be 'ok' with it.  That is a goal of mine though.  I want to be able to use the scale as a tool, and at the same lead such a balanced lifestyle that I can feel confident knowing I am doing all that I can to get healthy and fit.

I think that's why I have been quiet the last few days.  I really enjoy sharing my successes.  Writing about my struggles is a little harder to do, but I know that to tell the whole truth to myself and to anyone reading this I need to suck it up and acknowledge those here too.

This journey is not easy.  Not for many anyhow.  The reason I have been successful so far is realizing that I can overcome these struggles and keep moving forward.  I CAN. Watch me!


Side Note:  My kids are so awesome.  My daughter Anna will be 1 in two weeks, and Landon will be 3 in April, and I am totally soaking up their stages right now.  Anna is "talking", but I wish I knew what she was saying.  She even has facial expressions and body language to help accentuate.  Its so darn cute. Landon is crazy with how much he understands now.  Tonight Anna was crying in her crib and he grabbed a toy, ran down the hall to her room, went in and then gave her the toy to make her "feel better".

Putting the scale away!

I had put it out there a few days ago that I was considering a monthly weigh-in.

I decided back in December that I was going to do Chalane Extreme (a 90 day strength focused program) when I finished the 30 Day Shred. The idea of taking the time concentrate on muscle building is just plain smart weight-loss, even smarter if you have been doing it all along. More muscle = more calories burned.

Since I am on this journey long-term, I need to think about long term goals. When I get to maintenance, do I want to be stuck to a 1200-1400 calorie a day diet to maintain... OR would I like to be eating 1600-2000 calories a day plus some exercise calories on top? I mean really, which one would you choose?

In addition to doing the Chalene Exteme Program, I have increased my daily calories to my BMR which right now is 1850. I'm doing this so I can maintain current muscle as well as build new muscle.

The scary part of these changes is that during the transition, the scale may not show an accurate reflection of what is really going on with my body. I am going to have to TRUST that I am doing the right thing for my body and wait a little longer to see those benefits on the scale.

I had a few people with "mixed" feelings on doing a monthly weigh-in. The common question is: "What if you get off track because you don't have to weigh-in?" My answer for that now is:  I seem to be on the right track nutrition-wise, and I don't feel in any danger of falling off that wagon because I still keep my food diary public for all my MFP pals to see and I will still be logging every morsel of food that enters this body.

Knowing what I do about increasing calories and starting a new fitness regimen, I will most likely see no-loss or even an increase in the first few weeks and I believe that weighing (while I try my best not to take the scale too seriously) may just be discouraging.

I'm going to have to put my inner instant gratification whore away for a while, measure my progress in inches instead of pounds and really remember that I am doing this for long-term gain.

This has been a hard decision to make because I desperately really want to get to my goal of seeing the 100's for my 30th birthday.  I may still make it there, but I also have to prepare myself for the fact that I might just have to look like I weigh in the 100's on my birthday.  Eventually I may even have to raise my goal weight too, if I am doing lots of strength training and toning, I may look better at 160, than I once did at 149.

So, I will still do weekly recaps of food and exercise, but I'm not going to weigh myself until March 1st, when I will also do my next progress photos!

It always feels so good to turn a bad week around!!

I started this week off horribly (or at least I felt like it)!  Last Sunday I was over my calories by a LOT.  I had planned to work it off, but felt too lazy and gave in to the temptations of the couch!

Monday and Tuesday weren't too bad, but I felt like I ate too much.  Wednesday I did ok eating-wise, but let my husband talk me out of doing my workout... I felt like crap.  Hence my Wednesday post Lazy or Moderation.

Thursday morning, I woke up and decided to turn this ship around.  I'm pretty sure I let me last week's weigh-in get the best of me.  I only lost 1lb from Monday, but I had burned enough cals for 3!

**The scale reminds me of the Honey Badger sometimes, and  Honey Badger don't give a shit!**

Any ways, like I was saying, Thursday I decided to get out of my funk and bring it!!  I hauled butt the last three days and today, I weighed in and lost 2lbs for the week!!

It feels so good when I turn it around like that.  I feel like "Oh yeah rough week? I'm going to show YOU who's boss... You think you got me all defeated and stuff... well WATCH OUT because this lady is about to kick it into high gear."

I won!

I won today!!

Yesterday I posted about "Lazy or Moderation", I was feeling low, and tired, and just plain UN-motivated.  I had a few hiccups and was struggling to get my workouts it.

Now today, it is a whole different story :).  After yesterday, I decided to go to bed early and set my alarm to wake-up hoping that I would have the drive to haul some workout a$$.  I am so happy to come back and say that I killed it this morning!!

I woke up at 5:30am, took the time to really wake-up, and headed out to my living room.  I put in the 30 Day Shred, and gave Jillian all that I had to give.  Once I was done, I still had time so I decided to pop in one of my old faves and let Chalene have her way with me in her Turbo Jam: Fat Buster workout.  I felt so good afterwards and it really set me up for success today!

I totally stayed within my calories, and I made healthy choices too!!

I have discovered a new love of roasted sweet potatoes.  I slice them up in roughly 1cm coins (quarter or half them).  I spray the pan with some cooking spray, place the potatoes on, spray them again and then sprinkle them with salt and garlic powder.  I roast them in the over at 400 for about 30min (flipping half-way through).  Let them cool for a couple minutes and they are an incredibly yummy salty/sweet addition to a meal or a snack on their own!

Going to try to repeat going to bed early and exercising early tomorrow.  I really feel that rise n' sweat is a great way to start the day.  That way I get my burn in early, no pressure for the rest of the day, and feel amazing!

Lazy or Moderation?

Well, this week I am REALLY struggling.  Not too much food-wise, but more so with energy and exercise.

I had committed to doing the 30 Day Shred... Every day for 30 days.  Yeah, that's not happening.

I have now decided I will take rest days and do it 5 days per week in addition to 3 hours of cardio. I was going to do it Mon-Fri.  Now I have revised it even further and I'm going to take Wednesday off, and do the 5th day on Saturday to get my 5 days in.  This may be related to the fact that I have ended up sleeping in the last two days and have found in hard to come up with the energy in the evening to go out and do it.

I'm having a hard time dealing with that because when I make a promise to myself, and especially when I have all of you watching, I'm not sure whether I am giving myself excuses, or practising moderation.  I have a problem with taking things to the extreme and I'm trying to find the balance.  Last week I feel that I over-did it a little bit. I was extremely tired by the weekend.  So this week I decided to slow it down and hopefully get my energy back up.

I guess these are some of the struggles that come with a weight-loss journey.

I plan on getting up early and doing my workout tomorrow morning to get it out of the way and see if I feel better about things. I just want to wrap my head around it a little, seeing as I am confused about if I should see this (not working out today) as a failure, or a good move in moderation.

If only I had a personal trainer and nutritionist to tell me what the right thing to do is... would make all this wondering a whole lot better!

I don't have that, so I have to play the guessing game!  Hope I'm making the right guesses.

On the positive side, one thing I do know is that I am no where near giving up.  I may slow it down, I may screw up here and there but I am still moving in the right direction, even if I don't feel like a super-hero every day!  Sometimes I just need to power-down a little and re-group to have strength to move forward!

Staying on track... I'm really doing it!

Well, I have managed to stay on track and have now lost 36lbs since September!


When I first started this blog, I thought I was ready. I fell off the wagon pretty hard and while it was a failure. Rather than just start a totally brand new blogI decided to keep my old posts as a reminder of where I have come from and that I can always get back up again!


I have recently started a Facebook page as well, but decided this would be the place to go into a little more depth with my journey.


SO!  Currently I weigh 251lbs.  I have been using MyFitnessPal obsessively.  I am currently of day 97 of logging my food in a row!  I log everything, the good, the bad, and the ugly.  A huge part of my journey is no excuses and no lying to myself.


My fitness journey started with walking, moved on to couch to 5k and has included a lot of Turbo Jam.  I can now run 5k in 38.5 minute.  I have developed somewhat of an obsession with running. During the day if its sunny I just feel like I have to get out there.


I haven't really lost in a few weeks because I had a "spike" week and then I really struggled this past week!  I am battling Plantar Fasciitis, so I have had to slow down on my running and high impact workouts.  I have been depending on those workouts for my big calorie burns and use them so I can afford to eat a little more some days.

I also had a really hard time this week because my friend and co-worker left for a trip which means that I will be working by myself for a while.   She has meant a lot to me this year.  She is 95% of the social interaction I get as an in-home daycare provider.  Before she came along it was not nearly so fun.  This last year has been awesome and I couldn't have done it without her! She has been there for me even when my husband was not, she kept me and my business going.  When my husband was living in another city and I was pregnant and had my baby girl, she made it so I didn't have to shut down my daycare. She allowed me to spend time recovering and she made sure she helped out as much as possible while Anna was a newborn.  She has shared many of Anna's first moments and is also my son't favourite person (other than Mommy and Daddy of course). 

For the next few weeks I plan on taking it easy and enjoying the holidays (in moderation).  I want to rest my foot so I am ready and able to go hard for January. 

Me in September

Me in December