Going back into 2.0 mode

I'm ready.

I didn't really explain why I was taking a break on here, but I'm feeling better and ready to get real with you/me.  

Stress

When I hurt my hip, I figured I would be off for a week and started out with a pretty great attitude towards it all.  I was totally on-track with my foods for the week and I was dropping pounds.  Then my hip didn't get better and to be honest it freaked me out a little.  (My hip is still messed up)

At the end of my low-cal week I was done with it and was frustrated because I wanted to eat more, exercise and still be able to lose weight at the same pace.  With me holding 199 over my head I have been doing the countdown and I know how much I have to lose each week to attain that goal.  Being injured doesn't really help with my plan at all.   I do not intend to EVER use a long term specific scale goal ever again because it is just too much pressure for me.

My Husband was offered a new job out of the blue last week, and it really stressed me out. I really want to feel stable financially so job changes always make me feel pretty anxious. (Big Breath) He starts tomorrow.  I'm feeling much better about the move now that its had a little time to sink in, and I think it will be a good fit for him.

I mentioned at the end of my last post that I may have been "onto something" the last time I lost weight and did it in stages.  I was so much more proud of myself and appreciative of every pound I lost.  I was HAPPY if I lost 5lbs in a month.  I was much more relaxed in my attempt to lose weight and it took much less mental energy.  I think I need to take a lesson from myself and stop putting so much pressure on myself.  Easier said than done I know, but I think in the long run it will help me to avoid the Up/Down roller coaster I've been on lately.

Now, I say SCREW 199.  At least screw getting there by my deadline of June 22nd.  I will pass it eventually, and that will still be an extremely rewarding day, but I need to take the pressure off because its messing with my head.  

So for the last 4 days I moved myself up to maintenance and indulged in foods that I haven't had in a long time, and didn't worry about my calories.  I tracked it all just to keep it honest, but I really just had anything I wanted.  None of it made me feel any better about my current situation, but it did help me realize that food can't actually make anything better.

I've got lots left to work on, but I'm going to try to take it one day at a time.  I'll do what I can (without driving myself insane in the process) to keep moving forward regardless of the pace.