3 week WIN!

No, I didn't win the lottery.  I haven't lost a bazillion pounds.  I'm not an Olympian.  I've got things on my plate (figuratively speaking... ya know, in my non-blog life).

You may be wondering how I'm winning right now.

Well,  I haven't given up in the last 3 weeks - win. I am down 5.5lbs from the beginning of the month (from the 10 I had gained between April and July) - win.  I feel like I am officially back on my wagon so-to-speak, and even though my wagon may not be going as fast as it has in the past, I'm ok with that now.  Even though I am STILL dealing with an injury, and everything else I am finally in the right mind-set to deal with it in moderation and NOT feel like I'm failing.  WIN

I went to talk to my Doc the other day about my hip.  I thought maybe it could be an IT band issue. We discussed it and decided that running a half-marathon in 6 weeks probably wasn't in the cards for me, but going to physio, and concentrating on getting better was.

Last summer, right before I started my journey, I went on a baking binge.

I was determined to master cakes and cupcakes, and become really good at making all sorts of Food Channel inspired foods.  The problem with that was, I have a weakness when it comes to baked goods.  I would just keep eating it all day long.  In the end I gained about 15lbs last summer.

This summer I have managed to stay AWAY from the cupcakes.  I had a friend ask me the other day to make her some as a going away present.  So I decided that I would do it, but just once this summer.  I'm not going to lie and tell you I only had one... I had bits and pieces throughout the process and fully enjoyed the experience. I just won't be doing it again any time soon.  Moderation people!!  WIN

So here I am, one day at a time, not giving up!!

Took the plunge

Today I finally made a big decision/commitment to motivate me to be back on track.

I joined a GYM.

I haven't been big on gyms because every time I join, I go for a few months and then stop. Sound familiar anyone? I mean please, tell me I'm not the only one.

This will actually be my third time joining THIS particular gym. I went there 5 years ago and 5-6 years before that. I have also had memberships to at least two other gyms.

Third time is the charm right?

I actually think that last time I said "I'm never signing a gym contract again!" ha ha, oops, I guess I temporarily forgot that.

This time will be different... No really, it will!  I sound like such a dieter's cliché right now.

I'll tell you why I believe this time is different.

1. I have been committed to my fitness for 9 months already
2. I have a ton of fitness related goals
3. I don`t give a shit what other people think about me any more (well almost)
4. I naturally get up earlier these days so working out in the morning isn`t as daunting.
5. The gym has newer equipment... I like newer equipment.
6. And supposedly I am more mature and stuff now...

Right now I think that being less active is REALLY wearing on me. I'm a better person when I'm exercising, and since I can't run outside or basically do anything that I enjoy doing at home, I need adapt and develop a routine that will hopefully reduce the risk of injury when I do finally get back into running.

So here it goes.  Hopefully I don't turn this into a mistake. 

Motivated!

I'm still not functioning at FULL force, but I am motivated, and not just in my weight-loss either.

After watching "Hungry for Change", I feel re-motivated.  The movie really re-enforces a lot of things I had been starting to believe myself.  Not exactly word-for-word, but pretty close. Since watching it, I am putting a little extra effort into a few things.

First off I am re-focussing on getting my nutrients from nutrient dense foods rather than processed or refined foods. Mostly this just means getting more fruits and veggies in.  I have decided to try to add some juicing into my life, not anything hard-core like a cleanse or anything, but maybe 5-7 per week.  I actually have an old juicer that I will try out to start, and until I clean that sucker out I'm going to hit up Booster Juice for a Green Hornet most days.

It made a lot of sense to me when they talked about how people who eat a lot can still be hungry and craving foods because we are nutritionally lacking in so many nutrients that we used to get from our natural diet before processed, refined, and mass amounts of food were readily available.

I will keep an eye on my sugars, aiming for less refined sugar and refined carbs in general, but I'm not going to go overboard on this one quite yet. (Baby steps people)

Also I have been slacking on my visualization lately and didn't really realize it until watching Hungry for Change.  I used to look at my old skinny pics a lot, and when I WAS doing that I remember feeling more confident in my journey, so I think I will try breaking them out a little more often.

Chia seeds.  One of the things mentioned in the movie was that when you lose weight, your fat breaks down releasing fat-soluble toxins that your body has stored.  These toxins get released through your bile into your intestines, and unless there is something there to bind with them, they can be re-absorbed.  One of the things chia seeds do, is bind with these toxins to help eliminate then from your body.  They also contain healthy fats.

That's pretty much all I will take from the movie to work on for now.  I think the veggie part is HUGE.  I am finding the last week or so I am also wanting to be more productive in general. Making real lists of things I want to do.  Then checking things off that list!  I finally took my taxes in, caught up on paper-work, made my list, and made several appointments!  

Hopefully this productivity level sticks around! I think I like it!

Some days are just "Meh".

Wait... Did I say days?  I meant more like weeks, or even months.

I'm in the last week of Push Phase in Chalean Extreme.  This month of Push Phase has been a doozie.  Now that I think back and remember, February really wasn't awesome either. I wouldn't say these last two months were complete failures, in fact they were successes, but I have been struggling more that I had been previously.  I would love to just have a solid month to re-gain some confidence and momentum to help set me up for my 30th birthday goal.  "199 by 30"

I also want to feel like THIS again. Pumped beyond normal language!  I will get there, oh yes, I will get there.  I just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and dance outside my comfort zone, and eventually I will get my groove back!

I am going to give myself until the end of this week and then I need to re-focus, re-commit, and get my energy and enthusiasm back!

Step One: Make a Plan

-By the end of this week I will have a complete meal plan for April.
-For the month of April I will drink 100oz of water per day (4x my water bottle)
-I will print out my April workout schedule

I need to kick myself in the bum and get back into a good head space.  By planning out my month, I eliminate many excuses because I will be prepared

Step Two: Follow the Plan

This is the part of the plan that is the MOST important.  I need to follow my plan.   It's the last month of Chalean Extreme (Lean Phase) and I really want to make it count and see some big improvements.  

Battles of Weight-loss

For some people weight-loss is straight forward. Its simple and easy and all they need to do is simply eat less and move more.

Those people piss me off make me jealous!

My current status is "back on track" and I'm feeling pretty good about it.  I have an excellent day planned out today.  Check out my super fantastic lunch salad!

I also plan on having Shepard's Pie for dinner followed by my new favorite: greek yogurt with peanut butter, bananas, french vanilla splenda and graham grackers. 

Anyhow.  For most of us losing and maintaining weight is a constant battle, no lets make that WAR. Yes a war with many smaller battles.  My battle last week "Storm week" was a challenging one, one which I lost.  When I look back at my food diary on MFP, I can tell the battle was brewing before I even realized.  I had started eating treats more often, just fitting them into my calories, and slacking here and there with food prep and will-power.  

All I can do now, is prepare myself for the next battle by gaining momentum and getting back to the basics again.  Healthy foods, exercise, and will-power.  

The last time I lost a battle that bad was December.  I had 3 weeks total where I was very hit-or-miss with my food intake.  A few days before new years I was able to re-focus and get back on track.  

Weight-loss isn't always easy, its not always straight-forward, and you really have to fight for it. You'll have to take unplanned hits in the face, and brush the dirt off and keep going, you may need to take time-off or call in more supporters, you might lose 10 battles in a row, but in the end, you'll win if you keep fighting. 

I'm in battle-mode bitches.  Bring it on!

Reward or Moderation

I've always said on here I share the good the bad and the ugly. Some people may view this as "Ugly", but this is what I'm doing, and I'm putting it out there. 

Today I am going to enjoy a burger.  This is not just any burger.  Before I started this journey one of my favourite meals was the BC (Bacon Cheddar) Big Burger at our local WhiteSpot accompanied by Zoo sticks, and a milk-shake.  I would probably have this meal once a month.  

When I first made my lifestyle change my girlfriend and I were looking up how many calories we used to eat when we would go out, or even just on an average day. I looked up my WhiteSpot meal mentioned above and it was somewhere around 2000 calories. The burger alone is 1054, then the zoo sticks are 450, and the shake is around 600.  Seeing as we were just starting the couch to 5k program, I said "The only way I'll burn enough calories to eat that is if I run 10k!".  

Ever since, I have said that when I run 10k, I will enjoy this meal again. Well I ran my 10k almost two weeks ago, and we haven't been able to get together until tonight. SO! Tonight I will have my BC Burger and Zoo Sticks (fried zucchini), and enjoy every bite (I'm not going to have the milk-shake). I would have it after my 10k but schedule-wise it just doesn't work out.  I will however, be completing my Chalene workout after my meal tonight, and probably some time on the treadmill to ensure it fits into my calories. 

Some people may view this as rewarding myself with food, sure I can see that.  I look at it like this. My life now is becoming much more balanced.  I don't have ANY food that is off limits at all.  When I choose to have foods that are high in calories, I now try to balance that by eating lower calorie, nutritionally dense foods during the rest of the day, and exercising. Sometimes even then it's ok to be over once in a while because I have many more days where I have stuck to my calorie goal or even stayed below it to even it all out.  The fact that I have not had this meal in 6-7 months is huge for me to celebrate, and realistically I will not have it again for even longer!

So there you have it... Megan's going to eat a Big Burger!  

Long Term goals = SCARY

Last night I was doing a mirror evaluation of myself. Trying to see differences in my body. I see some. In the side-by-side pics I can see it, but the mirror is an ass! Ok maybe my head is an ass. Here I am, down 71 pounds (51 from Sept.) and I can't really see a huge difference.

Then I got thinking,  I started my last weight-loss journey at 240 pounds. Only 4 pounds difference from where I sit now. It took me 2 years back then to lose the weight. I didn't have MyFitnessPal or running apps, or really much of anything. My commitment wavered, I went in bursts. 20lbs in 3 months, then 4 months of nothing, 40lbs in 6 months just from running, and the last 30 came off over the next year by half-heartedly balancing my meals and walking EVERYWHERE!

Now at first I felt discouraged, like "here I am starting all over again". I have so far to go.

Then I realized, I have never been so committed, so driven, and so consistent with my efforts for this long straight EVER. I just passed the 5 month mark, and have lost 50lbs. I'm no where NEAR quitting, in fact, I'm pretty dam sure I'm going to finish this thing.

Thinking about the long-term goal can be good, but it can also be scary.  Its a good thing I have all my short-term goals to keep me focussed because losing another 60-90lbs seems like a LOT.

My next short-term goal is to complete ChaLEAN Extreme, and continue my running program.  After that is ONEDERLAND, and after that, my half-marathon!  Hopefully when I'm done with my half-marathon training I can start Turbo Fire because I have been waiting for what seems like EVER to try it!

Image Source

So, after I was finished with this thinking last night I decided to get to sleep early so I could have lots of energy today.  Do you know what happens whenever I make a concious decision to go to bed early? Shit hits the fan  My kids always end up having a rough night sleeping, thus requiring myself NOT to sleep. Last night my baby girl had a tummy ache. I could tell because every 15min or so she woke up and bounced, then cried and tried to get comfy.  As much as I am tired, there was a part of me (a sick apparently non-sleep-cherishing part of me) who enjoyed every moment of comforting her.  The last time she slept in my bed was well over 6 months ago.  

All this means that today I am tired, I'm still going to work out, but I am tired.  Although my husband did bring me a coffee and a donut, so hopefully the caffeine will help carry me through the day and I can get some good shut-eye happening tonight!

Life without the scale.

Not as hard as I thought it would be.  (Mind you its only been a week and a half)

When I committed to this journey, one of the things I knew very early on, was that I wanted to get to the bottom of all the psychological things that contributed to me gaining this weight.  I have already lost and gained 90lbs PLUS, so if I give all that effort again, I want to be prepared at the end of my journey to live a healthier life. I want to have all the tools I need to keep me from gaining it all back again!

For the first 5 months of this journey I have been pretty buried in counting all my calories, and exercising like a mad woman.  I feel like I am entering a different stage right now.  One thing I feel like I am doing better than I did last time, is planning ahead.

I had a bit of an "Ah Ha" moment yesterday.  I realized that the last time I lost weight, I was single, free from emotional baggage (or at least that baggage was carry-on sized), and I was only responsible for me. One stupid fucked-up just plain bad relationship later and there had been a lot of damage done, and  baggage created (definitely check-in sized).

The Past

I was able to keep my weight under control for the first few years after that because I was (for the most part) single and able to focus on myself. Then comes Jeff.  I knew within 3 months of dating that I had met the man I was going to marry.  We got married 1 year and 9 months after we met. We loved each other, but my baggage was not gone. I had trust issues.  Trust issues that I pretty much ate my way through.

Dealing with it has been tough, and only in the last year can I say I think I finally have taken care of it. I'm finally in a place where I can let go of the things (or at least most of them) that hurt me in the past and give my husband the amount of trust he deserves.

I realized that by working on these things, and being able to be comfortable, secure and happy in my relationship (and with myself in general), I now am able to have the strength and motivation to really work on myself again.  Its like a huge weight is lifted off my shoulders and I don't have to worry about it any more.

Preparing for the future

Putting the scale away is like practice for the future.  Its like the first time your parents leave you home alone in the house.  A test.  I know I don't have to weigh in this week, but I am still logging my foods and getting all my exercise in.

I'm doing this not just because I want to lose the pounds, but because I want to be more fit, I want to gain muscle, I want to eat healthy, and I want to live longer.  Sure it will be validating when the number goes down, but the number doesn't make me run faster, or put cuter clothes on me, or even accurately reflect what size I am.  In high-school I had two friends of the same hight, who wore the same size, one was 110lbs and one was 145lbs.

I still would LOVE to be in Onederland for my birthday in June please please please please please, but after that I really want to be in a healthy head space where I'm just working on getting strong, fit and into cute clothes.  I want to be able to say that while I know my number, I am not defined by it.

P.S.  This is one of my most proud accomplishments because I really feel like I am doing all this in a healthy well-rounded way, and that I am putting in the prep-work to maintain my success... and now I hope I don't have to ever eat those words one day!

Look what came in the mail!!

I love getting packages in the mail!!

I ordered Chalene Extreme about a week ago.  After I finish the 30 day shred I'm going to start and I'm so excited!  I don't know a whole lot about strength training and I'm doing pretty good with my cardio so I figured that Chalene Extreme would be a good choice for which program I wanted to do next. Originally I wanted to do Turbo Fire (and eventually I still WILL do Turbo Fire) but seeing as I recently had impact related injuries with my plantar fasciitis and knee I decided that is should wait a bit.   So HERE is my Chalene Extreme!

Now, I'm not one for shakes ( I prefer my home-made smoothies, or my go-to breakkie wrap), but they gave me a free 7 day trial of Shakeology, so I thought I would see if any of the hype is true.  I figured since it was free I would try it out and form my own conclusions. 

So after the next two and a half weeks of hell 30 Day Shred with Killian Jillian Michaels, I will begin with Chalene Extreme.  I'm really excited because I love love love Chalene's Turbo Jam DVD's, I find she really know exactly what to say at exactly the right moment and I miss having her "with" me for my morning workouts! 

I'm going to do what?!?!

I've been really hesitant about setting public goals lately... I'll tell everyone what I have done, and what I am doing, but I'm pretty vague about what I would actually like to do.  I have a hard time committing to a specific plan because I don't want to fail or be judged.  This is something I am working on.

With that being said, I have been thinking about my running goals for a while now, ever since I completed the couch to 5k program.  When they ran the marathon on Biggest Loser I felt like "Why not?".  If they can run a marathon, SO CAN I.

Anyhow, on Facebook there have been a few ladies that have also inspired this decision. One, Workout Girl, who just finished her first half-marathon at DISNEY!  She totally rocked it!! Also Sara - Use it 2 lose it, also committed to running her first half-marathon in October.

Well, I was checking out local races and found that there is a marathon/half-marathon/8k called Goodlife Fitness Victoria Marathon.  I checked out the route, and it looks like it would be a fantastic run with AMAZING scenery.  Its not until October 7th, 2012, so I have roughly 266 days to prepare.

Also, the run goes right past the houses I lived in when I was 2-3 years old, and the house where I actually created my longest lasting memory.  A house where I made a scar, not once, but twice(in the exact same spot) that is on my forehead and become a part of my identity.  The same house where my parents got married.  What a fitting place to run MY very first half-marathon!

Not going to lie, I'm totally scared.  I hope my injuries heal up so I can start training more and working my way towards this.  Either way, I'm putting it OUT there...

I AM WORKING TOWARDS MY FIRST HALF-MARATHON!!

Celebrating 2011! Ready for 2012!

Sometimes I get so wrapped up in looking forward to my goals and how far away some of them seem.  It gets me down and full of self doubt, wondering if I'll get there.  I forget to REALLY look at what I have accomplished so far.

Tonight I will celebrate every pound lost this year (60 in total), every workout completed, every healthy snack, every time I threw out something I knew would tempt me, every early morning, every sore muscle, every day logging on MyFitnessPal (110 since September), every "Like" on my Facebook page, every hit on my blog, every time I picked myself back up from a rough patch, ALL of it!

I will celebrate a truly great year in my life, the birth of my daughter, the success of my business, new friendships, another year with my Husband (We met New Years Eve 2006).

When I came into 2011, all I could think about was having my baby girl in my arms, I had no idea what else could possibly happen.   I *wished* I could get healthier.  I *wished* for motivation.  Since I was pregnant, I didn't really have any sort or plan in place. You never know how your life will be with a newborn, and really its all about priorities.  She came first.

I'm excited that this year I can really put myself first.  I HAVE a plan, and although I'm still a devoted Mother, and business woman, I am able to balance all that with bettering myself and getting into the best shape of my life :)

Now, BRING ON 2012!

40 LBS DOWN!

Wow.  Did I think I would be here 105 days ago?  NO WAY.  I wished, I hoped, but was so scared I would get discouraged.  I've had my struggles so far, but right now I know that I am on my way!  It's weird but 40 just seems so much more substantial that any other number so far. 40lbs is a LOT! (Side note: I was almost done writing this when I realised that I am also down 60lbs total! Talk about a mind-blower)

*Happy Dance*

I just feel so pumped and ready to go for my January challenge.  

So proud of this accomplishment, especially this week with Christmas. I lost 2.5lbs doing two days at maintenance calories, enjoying Christmas.  Yep, I had rum and eggnog, turkey dinner, pumpkin pie, eggs benedict, two candy cane donuts, buckeyes, a ginger cookie, and roast beef dinner.  They key was, I had it all in MODERATION!! Also I know I won't eat like that every day because the sugar makes me crash, and all that food makes me feel bloated.

On Christmas day I went on a run.  I was so proud of myself that I actually got out there!  I decided to test-drive my new Asics running shoes, and the sun was totally calling my name.  Unfortunately my knee started bothering me about 2km in and at 3.5km I had to stop.  I hyper-extended it the other day when I was improperly getting off the elliptical.  It didn't bother me during my next workout so I assumed it would be ok to go... apparently I was wrong :(

This is me before, during and post Christmas run

So, this week I'm going to take it easy on the knee, and continue to baby my arches.  This week I plan on going for a few walks, doing a few Tae Bo workouts, and a few gym workouts.  I want to lose 2lbs to get to my modified goal of 245lbs by New Years!  It will be great to start January (and my challenge) off so close to the 230s.  Its funny,  what once seemed impossible, now seems within reach!  My biggest goal so far is to be in onederland (under 200) by the time I turn 30 in June.  Once I get there I will re-assess my plan and continue on the last 55lbs :)  

Hard Work - Dedication

Weight-loss: You don't need to be the fastest to win, you just have to keep going!

Staying on track... I'm really doing it!

Well, I have managed to stay on track and have now lost 36lbs since September!


When I first started this blog, I thought I was ready. I fell off the wagon pretty hard and while it was a failure. Rather than just start a totally brand new blogI decided to keep my old posts as a reminder of where I have come from and that I can always get back up again!


I have recently started a Facebook page as well, but decided this would be the place to go into a little more depth with my journey.


SO!  Currently I weigh 251lbs.  I have been using MyFitnessPal obsessively.  I am currently of day 97 of logging my food in a row!  I log everything, the good, the bad, and the ugly.  A huge part of my journey is no excuses and no lying to myself.


My fitness journey started with walking, moved on to couch to 5k and has included a lot of Turbo Jam.  I can now run 5k in 38.5 minute.  I have developed somewhat of an obsession with running. During the day if its sunny I just feel like I have to get out there.


I haven't really lost in a few weeks because I had a "spike" week and then I really struggled this past week!  I am battling Plantar Fasciitis, so I have had to slow down on my running and high impact workouts.  I have been depending on those workouts for my big calorie burns and use them so I can afford to eat a little more some days.

I also had a really hard time this week because my friend and co-worker left for a trip which means that I will be working by myself for a while.   She has meant a lot to me this year.  She is 95% of the social interaction I get as an in-home daycare provider.  Before she came along it was not nearly so fun.  This last year has been awesome and I couldn't have done it without her! She has been there for me even when my husband was not, she kept me and my business going.  When my husband was living in another city and I was pregnant and had my baby girl, she made it so I didn't have to shut down my daycare. She allowed me to spend time recovering and she made sure she helped out as much as possible while Anna was a newborn.  She has shared many of Anna's first moments and is also my son't favourite person (other than Mommy and Daddy of course). 

For the next few weeks I plan on taking it easy and enjoying the holidays (in moderation).  I want to rest my foot so I am ready and able to go hard for January. 

Me in September

Me in December