Feeling STRONG! (Weigh-in)

Since my Tabata Class went so well on Saturday, I decided to check out another class.  This one was Group Power. Group power is a strength training barbell based class.  

Now, I had everything planned.  I dropped off the kids at the daycare in the gym, brought a protein shake for after the workout, arrived early to grab my spot, and even wore my new shirt (below).  

About 2 minutes into the warm-up, one of the staff came to grab be because my darling spirited demon child, decided to throw the mother of all temper tantrums. This has been something that has been increasing in frequency and severity (and oh so much FUN... not).  I had to go calm her down before I could return to class, and THANKFULLY she decided it was ok for me to leave and I got to go enjoy my class.

The class itself was a great workout!  I have been looking to add some more strength training into my routine and this was a fun way to get it in. 

Here I am after class in my new shirt that I had made.  I love it!

Oh right, I almost forgot... Today was a weigh-in day.  

So on the weekend, apparently I decided it was a good time to eat.... well... a bunch of CRAP. I ended up just BARELY keeping my week on point, but I did use all of my activity points to do so. I also did that Tabata class which made me sore all over (possibly retaining fluid).  Needless to say, I did not have high hopes for big losses this week.  

I stepped on the scale this morning and it said 221.8 which meant I was down .2lbs for the week.   Considering my weekend and the potential I had for water retention I was almost expecting a gain, so I was happy to see any loss at all, even if it was only .2.  

First weigh-in on Weight Watchers

Down 1 lbs!!

I'm happy, but at the same time a little disappointed, and I'll tell you why.  I cheated.  I weighed myself SEVERAL times during the week and saw lower numbers so I just assumed that today would be even lower and I would have an AMAZING week weight-loss-wise. Had I kept to the once weekly weigh-in I would be totally cool with it.

What's my current weight you ask? It's 223.  Down from the 230 I was on July 30th after gaining 10lbs through the months of May, June and July.  It sucks to have to be re-losing this weight, but at the same time, I'm not too far away from breaking new ground!

My goals for next week:

• Stay OP
• Workout 5 times
• Meet all my Healthy Checks
• Don't weigh until next Monday

Really after the last few months I'm just thankful to be moving in the right direction again.

3 week WIN!

No, I didn't win the lottery.  I haven't lost a bazillion pounds.  I'm not an Olympian.  I've got things on my plate (figuratively speaking... ya know, in my non-blog life).

You may be wondering how I'm winning right now.

Well,  I haven't given up in the last 3 weeks - win. I am down 5.5lbs from the beginning of the month (from the 10 I had gained between April and July) - win.  I feel like I am officially back on my wagon so-to-speak, and even though my wagon may not be going as fast as it has in the past, I'm ok with that now.  Even though I am STILL dealing with an injury, and everything else I am finally in the right mind-set to deal with it in moderation and NOT feel like I'm failing.  WIN

I went to talk to my Doc the other day about my hip.  I thought maybe it could be an IT band issue. We discussed it and decided that running a half-marathon in 6 weeks probably wasn't in the cards for me, but going to physio, and concentrating on getting better was.

Last summer, right before I started my journey, I went on a baking binge.

I was determined to master cakes and cupcakes, and become really good at making all sorts of Food Channel inspired foods.  The problem with that was, I have a weakness when it comes to baked goods.  I would just keep eating it all day long.  In the end I gained about 15lbs last summer.

This summer I have managed to stay AWAY from the cupcakes.  I had a friend ask me the other day to make her some as a going away present.  So I decided that I would do it, but just once this summer.  I'm not going to lie and tell you I only had one... I had bits and pieces throughout the process and fully enjoyed the experience. I just won't be doing it again any time soon.  Moderation people!!  WIN

So here I am, one day at a time, not giving up!!

April weigh-in and progress pics

First off, I weighed in at

I'm not really excited about this number actually pretty damn good with this number.  I had a slow month, I ate too much, I exercised a little less than I would have liked and I struggled.  Overall its a loss, and really, I'm eighty-f'n-seven pounds lighter than my heaviest, and 67lbs down from 6.5 months ago. 

Here I am this morning. It was really sunny so my light was a little off from normal. 

The next one is March 4th, to April 1st.  Not really much difference, however since I only lost 6.4lbs for the entire month I am really not surprised.  On top of that with the heavy lifting in Chalean Extreme its typically the month with the least weight lost.

The difference from 6.5 months ago to now. Many days I still feel like the me in the top picture. I still look at myself like 'the obese girl'. I still feel like the first thing a person will notice about me is that I am overweight.  That might be true, but I am SO much closer to being at a size where that might not be the first thing someone thinks when looking at me. It might not even be the first thing I think when looking at me!

So, next month I hit the 210's! I have 2 months and 3 weeks until I turn 30, and I am dedicated to moving forward whether the pace be fast or slower. I really want to see 199 by June 22nd, but I think I just need to concentrate on small goals again since 199 is pretty much the ONLY thing I have been able to think about lately.  So if I get to 199, I will be incredibly happy but until then I'm going to focus on 5lb increments.  BRING ON 215!!

Weigh-in shocker!

So I had my post today all pre-planned.  The title was going to be "This is not a plateau".  I was expecting no-loss, or even a gain week after all my over-indulging.  

Down 2lbs. Seems pretty counter-intuitive right? I mean the week I work my butt off and eat right, I don't lose ANYTHING, and then the week I eat crap food and exercise less I LOSE 2lbs.  What kind of logic is that?  Should I give up and let my exercise go, and eat loads of yummy food?  

NO!!!!!!!!

This is just a prime example of my hard work taking time to show up on the scale.  Had I eaten better this week, I am positive my loss would have been even bigger!  The week before last is where I burned those two pounds, not this one.  

Regardless, it feels great and it a wonderful way to start off a new week!

Weigh-in and Progress Pics for Feb!

Well, after a long month of no-scale and lifting, I am finally here to do my weigh-in and progress pics :)

So I was pretty happy with that number, 9.5lbs down in the last 5 weeks.  Considering I upped my calories and have been building muscle, I can be very proud of that number :)

This was me this morning :)

This one is a comparison to my last progress picture in February.  I don't see a HUGE difference, but I do see a bit in my arms and back fat :)

Here is the most recent "Before" and "Progress comparison!

I'm off to the spa again today!  I'm hoping to do better this time than last food-wise.  I have pre-logged my meal and bevies and planned out the rest of the day, and I also went for a run this morning so I'm feeling pretty good about it!

The first step is the hardest; My AHA process

Lots of people what to know "What was your turning point".  I would absolutely love to have a simple answer to that question, but like anything else in life it wasn't simple. 

I think some of it started when I was pregnant with Annalisa.  I had this desire to go out and run, but I felt trapped in my own body.  My back ached, my feet ached, I had that horrible stabbing crotch pain that made just walking around painful.  I remember feeling like I was having trouble breathing when I would lay down at night because when my chin was pressed towards my neck it made it hard to get air in.  I was 300lbs and just plain embarrassed of myself.  

After she was born I had a mini-epiphany.  I had this realization that life is not permanent, and BOY was that scary.  I realized that if I wanted to see more life, enjoy my children, give them a better chance at living a fulfilling life, I needed to start setting a better example.  I also started believing that I wasn't going to worry *quite* so much what other people thought of me.  

It started small.   I went out and got my hair done how I wanted to, and not how I thought other people would like it.   I bought a purse I liked, and didn't worry about if other people thought I could "pull it off".  I decided to concentrate and make an effort to act with more integrity.  Basically that means I lie less, to myself and to others.  I used to just agree with people in order to make life easier, or in hopes they would like me but I realized I am really bad a being fake.  

I tried a diet, and failed 3 weeks later.  Then I fell into some old habits, and decided to bake/cook my summer away.  I had been planning to start logging my foods since March, and every few days/weeks I would log a couple days here and there.  I logged mostly bad days (or maybe they were just all bad days).  As I worked on myself (ya know, being all honest and stuff) I was coming up with less and less excuses.  

I think, on September 13th, when Crystal asked me the question "Are you going first or am I", it was a combination of running out of excuses, embarrassment and accountability.  I was just done.  Done with lying to myself, and done with disappointing others in the process.  Also, I didn't want to look like a flake to Crystal any more, although she's been around long enough I'm sure she can draw her own conclusions on that one!

Also, I just went back and checked my diary on MFP and the first few weeks were not pretty.  It took me a while to get the hang of it.  The first two weeks I ended up eating on average almost 2000 calories per day! Even after that period I was doing lots of things I should be, over on my calories, and eating a lot of nutrition-less foods.   

People might look at my journey, or the journey of other successful weight losers and get discouraged thinking we did everything perfectly from the start.  I am here do say, that for me at least, I DIDN'T!  It took my a long time to get the hang of it and I am STILL improving, the biggest part of my success is that I REFUSE to give up.  I take my bad days and get over them.  I have tired days (like today I am exhausted and wanting to binge eat like... hmmm, well like I used to), I just do the best that I can, and try more often then I give up.  

It always feels so good to turn a bad week around!!

I started this week off horribly (or at least I felt like it)!  Last Sunday I was over my calories by a LOT.  I had planned to work it off, but felt too lazy and gave in to the temptations of the couch!

Monday and Tuesday weren't too bad, but I felt like I ate too much.  Wednesday I did ok eating-wise, but let my husband talk me out of doing my workout... I felt like crap.  Hence my Wednesday post Lazy or Moderation.

Thursday morning, I woke up and decided to turn this ship around.  I'm pretty sure I let me last week's weigh-in get the best of me.  I only lost 1lb from Monday, but I had burned enough cals for 3!

**The scale reminds me of the Honey Badger sometimes, and  Honey Badger don't give a shit!**

Any ways, like I was saying, Thursday I decided to get out of my funk and bring it!!  I hauled butt the last three days and today, I weighed in and lost 2lbs for the week!!

It feels so good when I turn it around like that.  I feel like "Oh yeah rough week? I'm going to show YOU who's boss... You think you got me all defeated and stuff... well WATCH OUT because this lady is about to kick it into high gear."

I won!

First Post of 2012, Success!!

December was a ROUGH month!! I was challenged in a lot of ways! I made a lot of bad choices. Between time-off, injury, having my co-worker leave for 3 months (yes there is only one person I work with), holiday goodies, and stress, I think I actually did pretty good! I'm down 7lbs for December! Sure it could have been more... If I was perfect.

I'm not perfect though and losing while facing challenges is a big success for me!

Originally in September I wanted to hit 240lbs by January 2nd. In early December I realized that would most likely not be realistic for me, an decided to change my goal to 245.

In hind-sight it would have worked out if I didn't have such a rough patch for two weeks, if I hadn't ever decided to have a "spike week". But maybe it will help me long term, who knows.

This morning, I HIT my mini-goal!!!

42lbs lost in 3.5 months!


Now, onto the present. January is going really well so far! I've been under on my calories, and have everything pre-logged for the week, and today I finished my first day of the 30 Day Shred!! Here I am post-workout and still smiling.

Jillian had my heart rate up around 170-180 the entire workout!!! WOW.  

I'm feeling so positive right now.  I *CAN* do this.  I feel like I'm just starting and the last 3 months was really a week. I'm not sure why. I don't know when you're supposed to feel like a veteran weight loser, but I'm not there yet. 

One thing I can see being an issue is that I still see my 300lb self in the mirror. I still think of myself as that same larger woman. I mean I am definitely still large, but I'm nervous that there will come a time where I am not obese any more and I won't be able to see it. Maybe it will just take time.  

For now I am enjoying my Skinny Cow Ice Cream cone and prepping for another morning with Jillian!

2011: Year in Review

This past year has been FULL.  I started this year in a different place.

In January I about 30 weeks pregnant.  I was due March 4th 2011.  My Husband decided to take a job in Vancouver (2 hours drive, 2 hours ferry and 1 more hour driving away).  We though it might be a good long-term opportunity for our family so off he went. I was pretty heart-broken, and my son who was not quite 2 yet didn't really understand.

Here he is the morning we left to move Daddy over. He put on his shoes and tried to pull his bag and open the door for him.  This picture made me cry because he was excited for the car ride but didn't understand he wouldn't be seeing his Daddy very often.

In February at 35 weeks pregnant, and my husband away I fell and sprained my ankle.  I could hardly get up to go get my son from his bed.  I was alone and scared.  It made me more angry that my husband was working away from me.

On Feb 28th 2011, I went into labour.  My student midwife didn't believe me but finally agreed to meet me at the hospital.  I was in a LOT of pain and when they checked my I was 8cm.  They broke my water and it was time to push.  This didn't leave enough time for Jeff to get home from Vancouver, so he missed the birth.   He arrived about 5 hours after she was born.

Jeff stayed home that week, and then went back to Vancouver.  During this time I discovered just how strong I could be. I had a newborn baby, an almost 2 year old, and a daycare that I was running from my home.  I was also taking care of paying all the bills (Vancouver and Home and Daycare) I had help during the day with daycare, but everything else was on me.  Guess what?  I did it!! I survived.

When Annalisa was 6 weeks old we started taking turns with Jeff visiting. We would visit Jeff and then two weeks later, he would visit us, and so on.  We had a lot of fun during our adventures. We went to the Zoo, the Aquarium, rode on mini trains, ate at Krispy Kreme, rode on ferries and more!  I was also able to catch up with two of my most favourite friends in the whole world! It reminded me what true friendship is, and that I didn't need to see people every day to know I still cared for them.

In May I got some EDS testing done, and found out that I was sensitive to certain foods.  I started a strict diet eliminating a lot of foods.  I did great and felt great for that month.  I lost about 14lbs.

 In June Jeff lost his job in Vancouver.  We decided that he should move home instead of looking for something else there.  At that time I stopped my diet.  We also began the summer of The Food Channel... I started baking a lot and making dishes worthy of Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives.  My excuse was that I had been stressed out. I deserved a break. Every occasion was another excuse to bake and consume delicious but totally unhealthy foods. I even started making things into occasions.  Happy Sunday! (Shaking head)

 By September I had gained back all my 14lbs + 5.  In September that's when Crystal said to me "Are you going first, or am I?" That's when it all seemed to 'click'. I started and finished the Couch to 5k app, I started doing Turbo Jam again.  I started logging all my food into MyFitnessPal, every little bite, EVERY damn day!

This is me a few weeks into my change.  I was feeling good and joked that I was channelling the show Big Sexy.

 Here I am about a week ago and down 40lbs:

 Since September I have come this far!

Wow. A lot happens in a year!

In December I decided to 'go public' with my weight-loss journey and self transformation. I started my Facebook page, and shortly after re-started my blog.   Until that point I wasn't ready to show anyone my imperfections.  I didn't want anyone to judge me or see me fail. Most likely I didn't want anyone to know I had admitted there was something wrong with me.

Now I am gearing up to ring in the New Year with my New Years Challenge.  I'm amped up and ready to go!! Can only imagine how far I'll get in 2012!

40 LBS DOWN!

Wow.  Did I think I would be here 105 days ago?  NO WAY.  I wished, I hoped, but was so scared I would get discouraged.  I've had my struggles so far, but right now I know that I am on my way!  It's weird but 40 just seems so much more substantial that any other number so far. 40lbs is a LOT! (Side note: I was almost done writing this when I realised that I am also down 60lbs total! Talk about a mind-blower)

*Happy Dance*

I just feel so pumped and ready to go for my January challenge.  

So proud of this accomplishment, especially this week with Christmas. I lost 2.5lbs doing two days at maintenance calories, enjoying Christmas.  Yep, I had rum and eggnog, turkey dinner, pumpkin pie, eggs benedict, two candy cane donuts, buckeyes, a ginger cookie, and roast beef dinner.  They key was, I had it all in MODERATION!! Also I know I won't eat like that every day because the sugar makes me crash, and all that food makes me feel bloated.

On Christmas day I went on a run.  I was so proud of myself that I actually got out there!  I decided to test-drive my new Asics running shoes, and the sun was totally calling my name.  Unfortunately my knee started bothering me about 2km in and at 3.5km I had to stop.  I hyper-extended it the other day when I was improperly getting off the elliptical.  It didn't bother me during my next workout so I assumed it would be ok to go... apparently I was wrong :(

This is me before, during and post Christmas run

So, this week I'm going to take it easy on the knee, and continue to baby my arches.  This week I plan on going for a few walks, doing a few Tae Bo workouts, and a few gym workouts.  I want to lose 2lbs to get to my modified goal of 245lbs by New Years!  It will be great to start January (and my challenge) off so close to the 230s.  Its funny,  what once seemed impossible, now seems within reach!  My biggest goal so far is to be in onederland (under 200) by the time I turn 30 in June.  Once I get there I will re-assess my plan and continue on the last 55lbs :)  

Hard Work - Dedication

Weight-loss: You don't need to be the fastest to win, you just have to keep going!

One of my secrets.

I usually weigh-in on Mondays, and I have been pretty good about only weighing on Mondays. I do this so I don't get caught up too much in the numbers, because while sometimes they can be motivating... other times the numbers can de-rail me.

There is an exception to this. If I get on that scale on Monday, and the scale tries to give me bad news, not-so-good news, or just plain not-good-enough news, then I allow myself a "re-weigh" on Tuesday.

Now if the scale is in a better mood on Tuesday, I record that weight instead. Obviously it means it's more accurate right ;) If the scale is still not feeling generous then I will just accept that I didn't do quite so well that week or that my scale is trying really hard to piss me off. Then I wait until Monday again in hopes that between my hard work and the scale having some time to relax, we can have a better result.

With all that being said, this morning the scale was WAY nicer to me than yesterday, I even weighed multiple times to make sure the scale wasn't going to change its mind! I am finally moving in the right direction!!! 250 even! I want so badly to be in the 250s and I'll be there any day now :) these 250's have been here long enough!!

Staying on track... I'm really doing it!

Well, I have managed to stay on track and have now lost 36lbs since September!


When I first started this blog, I thought I was ready. I fell off the wagon pretty hard and while it was a failure. Rather than just start a totally brand new blogI decided to keep my old posts as a reminder of where I have come from and that I can always get back up again!


I have recently started a Facebook page as well, but decided this would be the place to go into a little more depth with my journey.


SO!  Currently I weigh 251lbs.  I have been using MyFitnessPal obsessively.  I am currently of day 97 of logging my food in a row!  I log everything, the good, the bad, and the ugly.  A huge part of my journey is no excuses and no lying to myself.


My fitness journey started with walking, moved on to couch to 5k and has included a lot of Turbo Jam.  I can now run 5k in 38.5 minute.  I have developed somewhat of an obsession with running. During the day if its sunny I just feel like I have to get out there.


I haven't really lost in a few weeks because I had a "spike" week and then I really struggled this past week!  I am battling Plantar Fasciitis, so I have had to slow down on my running and high impact workouts.  I have been depending on those workouts for my big calorie burns and use them so I can afford to eat a little more some days.

I also had a really hard time this week because my friend and co-worker left for a trip which means that I will be working by myself for a while.   She has meant a lot to me this year.  She is 95% of the social interaction I get as an in-home daycare provider.  Before she came along it was not nearly so fun.  This last year has been awesome and I couldn't have done it without her! She has been there for me even when my husband was not, she kept me and my business going.  When my husband was living in another city and I was pregnant and had my baby girl, she made it so I didn't have to shut down my daycare. She allowed me to spend time recovering and she made sure she helped out as much as possible while Anna was a newborn.  She has shared many of Anna's first moments and is also my son't favourite person (other than Mommy and Daddy of course). 

For the next few weeks I plan on taking it easy and enjoying the holidays (in moderation).  I want to rest my foot so I am ready and able to go hard for January. 

Me in September

Me in December