Today I started thinking about who I am. My personality. I am quite extroverted, and I think overall that's how I was born, but there was a time when you would have never known it.
From about grade 7 to grade 12 I had very little confidence in myself. I thought everyone hated me (except for a few). I avoided social situations like the plague because I thought they would all turn into a Carrie movie.
I had a few kids pick on me or call me names, I'm not sure if it was really more or less than anyone else, but I do know I let it affect me 1000x more than it should have. In hindsight, knowing now what I do about mental health, I believe I was suffering from anxiety.
Once I graduated and moved to the big city, for some reason I felt free to start being myself. This is almost funny to me because it's not like I was hiding some secret. I just felt safe in the anonymity of a larger city.
Numerous times over the last 15 years people have been shocked when they learn that was never a cheerleader. Ha ha, I'm not so sure that's a good thing or a bad thing, but I wonder how much different that time could have been if I had just been able to be myself.
Even though I am much more myself than I was then, I still battle that same self doubt every day.
Don't get me wrong I give wayyyyy less fucks now, than I did at that time, but there are still one or two here or there.
How does this relate to The Megan 2.0 Project? Well, for some reason, I stopped believing I could do this for a while. I let excuses and emotions get in my way.
I can't promise that this is it. I don't speak in definites, but what I can tell you is that I have been growing more and more confident in myself as a human, and I am challenging myself every day I be better. I kept putting off a lifestyle change because I didn't feel like I was ready mentally for it.
Now I am ready to risk failing again because the only person who really looses out if I didn't is me.
I am ready to take risks, because without risk, there is no reward.
I believe I am an extrodinary person with a lot to offer, but I need to be comfortable taking new risks so I can finally find out what I am truly capable of.