Saturday, 31 December 2011
Tonight I will celebrate every pound lost this year (60 in total), every workout completed, every healthy snack, every time I threw out something I knew would tempt me, every early morning, every sore muscle, every day logging on MyFitnessPal (110 since September), every "Like" on my Facebook page, every hit on my blog, every time I picked myself back up from a rough patch, ALL of it!
I will celebrate a truly great year in my life, the birth of my daughter, the success of my business, new friendships, another year with my Husband (We met New Years Eve 2006).
When I came into 2011, all I could think about was having my baby girl in my arms, I had no idea what else could possibly happen. I *wished* I could get healthier. I *wished* for motivation. Since I was pregnant, I didn't really have any sort or plan in place. You never know how your life will be with a newborn, and really its all about priorities. She came first.
I'm excited that this year I can really put myself first. I HAVE a plan, and although I'm still a devoted Mother, and business woman, I am able to balance all that with bettering myself and getting into the best shape of my life :)
Now, BRING ON 2012!
Thursday, 29 December 2011
In January I about 30 weeks pregnant. I was due March 4th 2011. My Husband decided to take a job in Vancouver (2 hours drive, 2 hours ferry and 1 more hour driving away). We though it might be a good long-term opportunity for our family so off he went. I was pretty heart-broken, and my son who was not quite 2 yet didn't really understand.
Here he is the morning we left to move Daddy over. He put on his shoes and tried to pull his bag and open the door for him. This picture made me cry because he was excited for the car ride but didn't understand he wouldn't be seeing his Daddy very often.
On Feb 28th 2011, I went into labour. My student midwife didn't believe me but finally agreed to meet me at the hospital. I was in a LOT of pain and when they checked my I was 8cm. They broke my water and it was time to push. This didn't leave enough time for Jeff to get home from Vancouver, so he missed the birth. He arrived about 5 hours after she was born.
Jeff stayed home that week, and then went back to Vancouver. During this time I discovered just how strong I could be. I had a newborn baby, an almost 2 year old, and a daycare that I was running from my home. I was also taking care of paying all the bills (Vancouver and Home and Daycare) I had help during the day with daycare, but everything else was on me. Guess what? I did it!! I survived.
When Annalisa was 6 weeks old we started taking turns with Jeff visiting. We would visit Jeff and then two weeks later, he would visit us, and so on. We had a lot of fun during our adventures. We went to the Zoo, the Aquarium, rode on mini trains, ate at Krispy Kreme, rode on ferries and more! I was also able to catch up with two of my most favourite friends in the whole world! It reminded me what true friendship is, and that I didn't need to see people every day to know I still cared for them.
In May I got some EDS testing done, and found out that I was sensitive to certain foods. I started a strict diet eliminating a lot of foods. I did great and felt great for that month. I lost about 14lbs.
In June Jeff lost his job in Vancouver. We decided that he should move home instead of looking for something else there. At that time I stopped my diet. We also began the summer of The Food Channel... I started baking a lot and making dishes worthy of Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives. My excuse was that I had been stressed out. I deserved a break. Every occasion was another excuse to bake and consume delicious but totally unhealthy foods. I even started making things into occasions. Happy Sunday! (Shaking head)
By September I had gained back all my 14lbs + 5. In September that's when Crystal said to me "Are you going first, or am I?" That's when it all seemed to 'click'. I started and finished the Couch to 5k app, I started doing Turbo Jam again. I started logging all my food into MyFitnessPal, every little bite, EVERY damn day!
This is me a few weeks into my change. I was feeling good and joked that I was channelling the show Big Sexy.
Here I am about a week ago and down 40lbs:
Since September I have come this far!
In December I decided to 'go public' with my weight-loss journey and self transformation. I started my Facebook page, and shortly after re-started my blog. Until that point I wasn't ready to show anyone my imperfections. I didn't want anyone to judge me or see me fail. Most likely I didn't want anyone to know I had admitted there was something wrong with me.
Now I am gearing up to ring in the New Year with my New Years Challenge. I'm amped up and ready to go!! Can only imagine how far I'll get in 2012!
Wednesday, 28 December 2011
Part 1 Nutrition and Hydration
I have made a month-long meal plan that I WILL follow. I am going to do the majority of my grocery shopping for the month in one go. Most of my days are between 1200-1400 calories. I have noticed that I tend to do better when I plan my day in advance so I'm going to see if this works for me. Hopefully saving me from impulse decisions. Its neat in a way because its like a "diet plan" except its all my own meals, meals I like and meals that work for me! (I even have desert every night!) I have cleaned out my cupboards and will ONLY have foods in the house that are on my plan :)
As part of the nutrition component I am challenging myself to drink at lease 100oz of water per day which equals 12.5 cups.
Part 2 Fitness
I will be doing the 30 Day Shred. This is an exercise DVD by Jillian Michaels. I have read many success stories from people who used her program so I decided that New Years would be a great time for it. Its about 20min long so it will be easy for me to get up early enough to get it done before daycare children arrive and I have to get my own kids up.
In addition, I WAS going to run 3x per week, but in light of recent injuries I will plan to do 1 hour of lower impact cardio 3 days per week instead. I'll be using the gym as well as 'modified' Turbo jam for those cardio workouts. If my knee and arches feel good then I'll slowly get back into running, but I'll play it safe for now.
**If I am feeling hungry or want to have an extra treat that is not within my daily calories, then I will work-out and burn the calories I need before I have it.
Tuesday, 27 December 2011
Ever since I haven't really given it much thought and assumed most of it must have been in my head. I must have been blowing it out of proportion. Fast forward a few years and some funny things are starting to happen. I have a really hard time being a passenger in traffic especially at high speeds. As far as I can tell, when I am driving I do pretty good.
When I'm a passenger, I'm a total for to floor-breaker, I'm constantly checking the side mirror and scanning the sides of the road.
It's getting worse. I have been gasping more often. I tense up and get incredibly scared. I start to panic and think that some incredible tragedy is going to happen to me or my family.
Today it was on a whole new level. We ended up driving to Nanaimo and I took a magazine to keep my mind off the road. As we got closer to Nanaimo and the traffic got more congested, I started to freak out. I gasped a few times (Jeff is getting used to it, he used to get really upset with me). It got so bad I ended up in tears. I couldn't look up and all I knew was I was scared! Eventually I was able to calm myself down, Jeff slowed down and made sure to drive extra carefully so I would feel more secure.
After we were done in Nanaimo we decided to head out. Just as we started driving on the highway someone in the left hand land cut us off so bad that they came very close to hitting us. We had to swerve and lay on the horn, and then they swerved and again continued to cut us off!! Well I didn't handle this very well, I just started to cry and found it hard to breathe!!
It just seems so weird to me because in any other situation I an remain calm. I have been in emergency situations and I totally stay calm and take charge. I just don't get why. When I'm driving I am totally fine, or if I'm on a bus I'm good too. I used to love going on long car rides and trips, but now it just makes me uncomfortable!
Anyways, I thought I would just take a moment to share that. I'm wondering if it may in some weird way be related to my journey, not the weight-loss part but the self improvement part.
Monday, 26 December 2011
On Christmas day I went on a run. I was so proud of myself that I actually got out there! I decided to test-drive my new Asics running shoes, and the sun was totally calling my name. Unfortunately my knee started bothering me about 2km in and at 3.5km I had to stop. I hyper-extended it the other day when I was improperly getting off the elliptical. It didn't bother me during my next workout so I assumed it would be ok to go... apparently I was wrong :(
This is me before, during and post Christmas run
Saturday, 24 December 2011
Dear Me: You can do this. It's ok to have a few rough days. Remember where you were when you began this journey? You didn't always sleep very well because sometimes it was more difficult to breath. You did a lot of sitting. You were pushing a 4x in some clothes. You had a pretty big double chin going on. Sometimes you ate well over 3000 cals in ONE day. You didn't wear your hair back as much because it didn't look good to you with your chin. You got breathless walking around the block at one point. You thought you had passed the point of no return and wanted to hide.
Guess what? You are NOT that person any more! Look how far you have come! You can RUN. You sleep great! You're wearing baggy pants. Your chin is shrinking and you are getting your cheekbones back!! Your collar bones are next you know. You're going to get to go shopping for nice clothes soon. You can chase after the kids and have more fun with them! You work out to relieve stress. You have come a LONG way already. Don't have the car today? That's ok, you've got two feet and a heart beat and you know how to use them! Remember when you walked home from town carrying Annalisa? You did that in 1h45m. Remember how great you feel after an intense workout? Remember how proud of yourself you are and how proud others are of you. Remember the example you want to set for your babies. Remember that maybe someone will see what you are doing and feel motivated to take the first step of their own journey.
So, however you are feeling right now, do me a favor. Just give me one day. Go and do a great workout, and eat well for ONE day. You won't regret it. If I know you (and I think I do) that will be all you need to get back on track and heading back in the right direction. You got this, and you're going to be one sexy bitch. As a bonus you're also going to be healthier, happier, and more energetic. You got that dress, you know the one, and you WILL wear it again one day. What a day that will be!
GO WORKOUT! Go now, or after work, or go in the morning, I don't care just GO! Don't roll your eyes at me either because you know I'm right ;)
Friday, 23 December 2011
I'm glad after a long year, I finally have a few days off in a row! (I didn't even get that when I had Anna in February)
Time to relax and enjoy the simple things! Last night we drove around with Starbucks (60cal Cinnamon Dulce for me) and candy cane doughnuts while checking out all the Christmas lights. So cute to hear my 2 year old son Landon say "Oh! Look DIS one" to every new house with lights he saw. It's important to me to take the time to make those memories for my kids. Little traditions that we can carry on as a family.
I can't wait to see the look on Landon's face Christmas Eve and morning when we are explaining Santa to him. This is the first year he will actually start to understand the concept! In fact we are watching "Polar Express" right now :) I love great Christmas movies!
This Christmas is all about moderation. I used to use it as an excuse to splurge/binge on goodies. I used to have a lot of excuses. So while I may go over on my weight-loss calories the next 3 days, I will not go over on my maintenance calories. That is my deal, because its all about balance, moderation and compromise. 3 days of Maintenance might be a 1lb difference on my New Years goal, but in the grand scheme of things, I'm moving in the right direction and that's what counts! Who knows, maybe I'll surprise myself and stay under more than I think?
Here are our Holiday pics from 2 years ago, and this year :) I'm excited for next years because I'm gonna look HOT!
Wednesday, 21 December 2011
You know the feeling when you first start seeing results and its amazing, and then all of a sudden losing weight is all you can think about? You stay focussed as long as you keep seeing those results. Then something happens and you have a rough week, your results slow (or sometimes you gain) and you feel like a bit of a failure. THIS is the point where I usually start really struggling, I start days with good intentions but end up falling into old habits. Its like I think "well I already messed up, might as well have one more day of ____. I'll start again tomorrow".
Going into this, I knew that was going to be my biggest obstacle. This road has been a LONG one for me. I've been battling my weight me ENTIRE teenage and adult life! I was successful once. I lost 90lbs back in 2001-2003 and I kept the majority off for 2-3 years before I slowly (or maybe not so slowly) started packing it all back on PLUS about 67lbs *cough*. I know what its like to win... but I know what its like to let it all slip away.
Last time I lost, I was focussed on and off, I'd go a couple months doing one thing and then stop. I really lost in 3 separate phases. The first 20 was at the gym, I stalled for about 6 months and then started running. I lost another 40 in about 6 months time then stalled again for 3-4 months... Then I ended up doing a LOT of walking due to life circumstances living in a big city and taking transit and walking to and from anywhere I had to go. I ended up losing the last 30 over about 8-9 months. So it wasn't really one focussed attempt, more like a whole bunch of cards fell into place for me (weight-wise).
I went through a pretty traumatic experience in 2003. It changed my entire life. In early 2004 I made the tough decision to leave my less than healthy (mentally/emotionally) life in the big city and moved back to my smaller home town. That's when the battle to keep it off began. For two years I really fought to keep my weight-loss. I was running, and semi watching what I ate. I attended a summer camp with all meals provided for two years and gained about 20lbs each summer, but I took it off each fall and maintained the rest of the year.
Then in 2006 I met my husband, got comfortable and proceeded to pack.it.on. He was really sweet, but wanted to make me happy a little too much maybe? Any time I would even say "Oh I really want a __(Insert totally indulgent food here)" he would run out without a second thought and get it for me. Most of the time when I would suggest treats I was half-joking, hoping he would be my willpower for me. So its no shocker that over the next 5-6 years I gained it ALL back (plus the even more embarrassing 67lbs).
Its not that I haven't tried in that time, I tried often, but... I gave up often. I've learned that I have an entitlement issue where if I see him having something "treat-like" I feel like I need to have something too. I have also learned that I have used food as a way to "get back at" my husband or anyone/thing for doing things that basically pissed me off. "Oh you want to go out and play poker instead of hanging out with me? FINE I'm gonna have a pizza!!". Right... so who was I "getting back at"... well I'll give you a hint... she's typing this post right now.
I ended up paying all those prices, for all those times I needed support, for all those times I felt lonely, for all those times I felt deprived, I got a whole bunch of fat. On top of that I started to get treated "different" again. I was the fat girl again. Talk about self destructive. I stopped smiling as much. I felt like if I put myself out there I would get responded to with "Yuck, why would I want to talk to you". I got really guarded and defensive.
Something happened this year. I'm not sure if the fact that I have two kids kicked in, or what, but all of a sudden I started putting myself first. I tried one diet and failed. Then I tried becoming exceptional at baking/cooking (talk about counter productive). Finally in September I think I got it right... well right-ish. I started MFP!
Which brings me to the intent of this post. (By the way I love being a woman because I am SO talented at digressing). These last two weeks. I had a spike week, followed by a really hard week without a lot of progress. I was feeling down and REALLY scared that I was going to fall off the wagon. Funny thing though about that wagon. When you fall off it, it stops and wait for you to get back on.
I'm done making excuses, I'm done lying to myself. Instead of finding an excuse, I am finding a WAY damnit. So here I am, back on track and planning for the New Year. I may have an off-day, and off-meal, and off-week... whatever. I will pick myself back up and get back on that wagon EVERY damn time from now on. I deserve it, my family deserves it, and so do my friends. If you're reading this and don't know me personally, even YOU deserve it. Why? Because its hope.
Tuesday, 20 December 2011
There is an exception to this. If I get on that scale on Monday, and the scale tries to give me bad news, not-so-good news, or just plain not-good-enough news, then I allow myself a "re-weigh" on Tuesday.
Now if the scale is in a better mood on Tuesday, I record that weight instead. Obviously it means it's more accurate right ;) If the scale is still not feeling generous then I will just accept that I didn't do quite so well that week or that my scale is trying really hard to piss me off. Then I wait until Monday again in hopes that between my hard work and the scale having some time to relax, we can have a better result.
With all that being said, this morning the scale was WAY nicer to me than yesterday, I even weighed multiple times to make sure the scale wasn't going to change its mind! I am finally moving in the right direction!!! 250 even! I want so badly to be in the 250s and I'll be there any day now :) these 250's have been here long enough!!
Monday, 19 December 2011
I've just outed myself as a huge dork.
Anyways, the result was ok, but I got excited because I weighed mid-day yesterday and saw a lower number. This morning it was up 1.5lbs. So I'm still on my way down from spike week and this last week really wasn't super amazing either so I shouldn't be surprised.
I get too caught up in the number. Sure I have sore muscles and could be holding on to some water, it could also be that it is a new scale. Maybe it's just payback for saying I wasn't going to weigh until New Years, and then doing it anyways... No matter what, it's now my number to start this week off, and I don't want to see it again!
Sunday, 18 December 2011
When I first started this blog, I thought I was ready. I fell off the wagon pretty hard and while it was a failure. Rather than just start a totally brand new blogI decided to keep my old posts as a reminder of where I have come from and that I can always get back up again!
I have recently started a Facebook page as well, but decided this would be the place to go into a little more depth with my journey.
SO! Currently I weigh 251lbs. I have been using MyFitnessPal obsessively. I am currently of day 97 of logging my food in a row! I log everything, the good, the bad, and the ugly. A huge part of my journey is no excuses and no lying to myself.
My fitness journey started with walking, moved on to couch to 5k and has included a lot of Turbo Jam. I can now run 5k in 38.5 minute. I have developed somewhat of an obsession with running. During the day if its sunny I just feel like I have to get out there.
I haven't really lost in a few weeks because I had a "spike" week and then I really struggled this past week! I am battling Plantar Fasciitis, so I have had to slow down on my running and high impact workouts. I have been depending on those workouts for my big calorie burns and use them so I can afford to eat a little more some days.
|Me in September|
|Me in December|
Monday, 31 October 2011
Monday, 10 October 2011
Monday, 26 September 2011
I am not limiting my foods the way I was before, I am just using MyFitnessPal and exercising... lots!
I started Sept 13th, and have lost 7lbs so far, and I am down 27lbs from my absolute heaviest before I got pregnant with my daughter.
It's been a long few weeks, and I'm nervous about being able to keep up my will-power long-term, but I will try my best :)
Sunday, 24 July 2011
This was lunch... Mushroom soup and grilled cheese made with old cheddar! Yum!
Monday, 30 May 2011
I guess the temptation in the city was too much for me. That and seeing my husbands groceries : cookies, cookies, cookies, cookies, pop, chips, wagon wheels, snack cakes, more cookies, candy, 4 apples, a frozen lasagna, crackers, bologna and bread... And some other junk... Wow... I have a bit of entitlement issue when it comes to food sometimes. I think to myself "well if he can have that, why can't I?. Must get over it.
So today I cleared out my fridge and made some turkey soup so I have a bunch of healthy no-think meals! So far so good today!! Fingers crossed I can get that strength back!!
Thursday, 12 May 2011
Wednesday, 11 May 2011
Sunday, 8 May 2011
On Friday we went out for dinner and a movie. At the restaurant I got them to make me plain chicken breast, baked potato, and steamed veggies. Jeff had a milkshake, and yummy food was everywhere! Then we went to the movie Fast 5, I was prepared with dried apple chips!
On Saturday I went to a meeting in Nanaimo. I packed my lunch and stayed strong while I watched everyone else eat things like: clubhouse sandwich and fries, caesar salad and pan bread, and Thai noodle salad! They probably thought I was crazy but I have a goal here people!
Jeff met me in Nanaimo and for dinner we went to Montanas. This was the closest I've been to cheating. I ended up ordering the mediteranian chicken with goat cheese and spinach with a plain baked potato and steamed veggies. I only ate the skin of the potato, and tried to scrape as much of the coating off the chicken as possible. It was pretty yummy.
I'm finding that by eating healthier, I am automatically eating less calories. Usually 1200-1500 calories per day, actually 1450 is the most so far!!!! I don't know where the motivation and strength came from but I am taking full advantage! I have never been able to eat this healthy for this long before. I've even been walking, and some uphill too! So tomorrow I will celebrate 1 full week of healthy eating! Only 7 more to go and then I'll get retested and see which things I can add back into my diet. Hopefully the weight will continue to come off too. I am down about 5 lbs from start and now 31 from highest weight.
Thursday, 5 May 2011
I also made a calendar so I can cross off all the days for the next 8 weeks. Hopefully it will help show me what I have accomplished!
Wednesday, 4 May 2011
I also weighed myself this morning, it was good. From my pre-pregnancy & highest pregnancy weight I am down 28 pounds. (I lost during my pregnancy and then only gained back enough to bring me back up to my pre pregnancy weight). So 28 pounds down and 107 to go. Um wow, that's a lot. A whole lot. But first and foremost I am working on my health and eliminating the foods that I have sensitivities to, along with sugar until I get my candida down.
I think my biggest challenge will be maintaining my motivation. I need to think of some rewards for myself for each week I can stick to my diet restrictions. Hmmm!
Tuesday, 3 May 2011
I ended up having some dried apple chips, a banana, some celery, baby carrots, and some almonds to snack on. While it was not my normal foods, it wasn't too bad.
For dinner I had turkey breast and mixed frozen veggies. It was ok. Nothing spectacular though. My son tried to help me eat the mixed veggies off my plate. I guess that shows me how much of an impact being a good role model can have.
It's 9:30 at night... usually at this time I would be snacking on something sweet. It's really hard to not give in! I know I've got 2 toaster strudles in the fridge that would taste AMAZING right now, but for this 56 days I need to be strong. After 56 days we can re-evaluate and see what things I can have. Who knows, maybe I'll feel really great after 8 weeks and actually want to stick to my new diet plan. I might add a few things back in to even it out. At the very least, if I stick to it, I should have lost 10lbs by the end :)
It sounds weird but I am finding that saying positive things out loud like "Food is just fuel, food will NOT make me happy", it helps to keep things in perspective. Ofcourse it is only day one... who knows if this will help me when it gets tougher!
Tomorrow I will begin day 2!
What is EDS testing?
Well, I got hooked up to a machine and they tested one-by-one a whole list of foods and environmental samples that people develop sensitivities to and then they measure my body's elctrical response. From the results of this test, they determined that I am sensitive to the following foods, and therefor should avoid them completely for the next 8 weeks and then come back for re-testing.
* Foods that scored higher and should definately avoid.
In addition to this my Candida level was tested and I scored a 7.5 out of 10 which is not great. Candida is a fungus that lives in our gut and feeds off sugars. It is linked to sugar cravings and other ailments in the body.
This means for the next 8 weeks I will be trying to avoid these foods along with sugar, and anything derived from a cow. This is day 1 of a 56 day journey.