Apparently I'm awkward

This weekend I decided to do a little "Carpé Diem".  Saturday I took a walk with my kids just exploring at their pace, and met my Mom for tea at a coffee house spontaneously.  We had a great time.

Saturday night I had been invited out to a birthday party by a friend, except I didn't really know anyone else there personally, including the guest of honor.  I decided to go out of my comfort zone and try to have a good time with some new people.  It turned out really well, and I really enjoyed myself. It was a great group of ladies to hang out with.  That was all aside from the moment when I was totally socially awkward and accidentally gave someone a back-handed compliment that left me feeling stupid for the rest of the night.  Not because I looked stupid, but because I probably came off like a total bitch, when in all reality I am just a bit mortified, but at the time I felt like anything I could do to recover was just going to dig a bigger hole.

It went like this.  We're playing a drinking game with cards that come up telling us to "Take 2 drinks", "Finish half your cup", "Give two drinks away", "Dance for 10 seconds".  So we are totally having a great time laughing and having a few drinks and this card comes up where everyone has to give a compliment to the card-holder and then take a drink.  Well like I said, I didn't know anyone there so the card-holder was someone I was not familiar with. Previous to said turn, she had been wearing a hat from one of the other parts of the game. Here's my socially awkward part.  My turn came and I said "I liked your hair before the hat went on".  Um ok... WHO says that!  She was like "What's wrong with my hair? Did it get messed up?" and then I just felt like a total awkward bitch.  CRAP.  Well, at least it went well for most of the night.  I was just so nervous, I guess I forgot to think before I spoke?? I have no idea, all I know is that I felt horrible.

Moving on.

This morning I woke up with the urge to explore with my family, so after a long process of raising my husband from the dead waking up my husband, we were off.  Originally I had this idea that we could make it 3 hours away, go to a petting zoo, and drive 3 hours back for dinner and a hockey game with my parents.  Well since my husband sleeps like a rock, we ended up changing plans and went on the fly.

We ended up at Butterfly World for the morning, and then carried on to the next big town for lunch and play-time at a giant indoor playground.  My kids had a blast, and so did my husband and I watching them.

My husband was a little thrown off when I asked him to take a picture that was a full-body shot.  I guess he's used to my head-shot only days.  I've been looking for before photos, but full-length unobstructed photos of my at my heaviest are VERY hard to come by.  They pretty much don't really exist. 

On the 2.0 front:  After last week with my low cals, lots of success and improved will power, I took my very first day off logging today.  I decided to just enjoy what the day had to offer without worrying about logging it.  I know I had more than my daily allotment of calories, but today, first day in somewhere around 220 days, I decided to just not worry about it.  Not going to beat myself up, but I WILL be right back to logging tomorrow.   

I also decided to up my calories this week by 150 because towards the end of last week I started to feel a little light-headed which tells me that I was consuming too few calories for me.  So this week I'm shooting for 1390 every day.  Here it goes!! I'm only 15 more pounds from my 199 goal for my birthday and I'm feeling pretty confident that I can make it.  

Off Topic... I rock!!

Today was my son's 3rd birthday party.  I just had to share this because I have never been so proud to have a successful party before and I think he might never forget this one!!  

I made the cake, the shirt, and the cardboard cars!!

Struggling.

Well its been a few days since I posted.

Well I had 3 not-so-great days last week, and this week I just had one.  I didn't go over my calories with exercise but I KNOW I could have made better choices.

I'm getting nervous about my end of month weigh-in. I know I'm not really supposed to see big numbers, but I still would like to.

I'm feeling nervous that if I don't see much improvement I will feel like I just wasted a month.  On the other hand, I KNOW I am making progress.  I ran 8 kilometres (5 miles for my US residents), and that is huge for me!!  Seriously, at 236 (ish) pounds I ran for an hour and 15 minutes straight.  What a big accomplishment!  Also I am really liking Chalene Extreme, my muscles are always feeling worked, and I know I'm already getting stronger.

I guess its just the mental part.  It's not as easy as saying "I don't give a crap what the scale says".  There is a whole lot more work I will have to do to be 'ok' with it.  That is a goal of mine though.  I want to be able to use the scale as a tool, and at the same lead such a balanced lifestyle that I can feel confident knowing I am doing all that I can to get healthy and fit.

I think that's why I have been quiet the last few days.  I really enjoy sharing my successes.  Writing about my struggles is a little harder to do, but I know that to tell the whole truth to myself and to anyone reading this I need to suck it up and acknowledge those here too.

This journey is not easy.  Not for many anyhow.  The reason I have been successful so far is realizing that I can overcome these struggles and keep moving forward.  I CAN. Watch me!


Side Note:  My kids are so awesome.  My daughter Anna will be 1 in two weeks, and Landon will be 3 in April, and I am totally soaking up their stages right now.  Anna is "talking", but I wish I knew what she was saying.  She even has facial expressions and body language to help accentuate.  Its so darn cute. Landon is crazy with how much he understands now.  Tonight Anna was crying in her crib and he grabbed a toy, ran down the hall to her room, went in and then gave her the toy to make her "feel better".

Moving, shopping and calories

Moving, Closet and Clothes Happiness

Well, yesterday after my weigh-in my husband and I had to tackle the rather large task of moving our room upstairs and cleaning it out.

Now I don't really leave out much, but I'll spare you photos of the disaster that was our bedroom, it was bad! 3 years of outgrown kids clothes, 4 wardrobes worth of clothes for me as I gained weight and went through two pregnancies. My husband never quite got to actually putting his clothing in a specific place, so it was basically a pile beside our bed. I would often wonder if we actually had carpet. Well now we know. It's there.

In the new room upstairs we got a brand new walk-in closet with full organizer, and it has two sides!! Man side and Lady side!!  I love it because it fits absolutely everything I have (clothing-wise).  I never even knew I had so many clothes!

I had done a whole bunch of moving/organizing, so while my husband was doing some moving/procrastinating himself, I decided to take my break.   I got a coupon to Pennington's (Plus sized clothing store) back in December when I purchased an outfit for my husband's Christmas party.  Sunday was the first time I could use it.  I was highly in need of pants that actually fit.  I've been slumming around in my 22/24 pants ever since I started this journey.  I can still wear them, but sometimes there is an issue with them staying up.  I hadn't really tried on new clothes for a few months so I was eager to see which size I could get in to.

Well, I got there and took in a few pairs of size 18 jeans, and some 1x shirts.  I knew it may be a long shot, or at least they might be snug, but I went in anyhow figuring if they didn't fit yet, they damn-well better fit me soon.  Here are two of the outfits.  I didn't end up getting the plaid one because it wasn't on sale (I can be a bargain shopper), but I did get the outfit on the right.  Both shirts are size 1x, and both jeans 18's!!!!  This was my LAST trip to a plus sized store.  I am determined not to buy any more new clothes until I am in normal people size!!

Calorie Goals are a Changin

In other news.  On the calories front, it sunk in to me today what people are talking about on MFP when they talk about eating back exercise calories, and just eating more in general.  Originally I had been set a calorie goal that would enable me to lose 2lbs a week without exercise.  I didn't regularly eat back my exercise calories, but would use them more on special occasions.  I had decent success with it that way for a while, but eventually after a really ambitious week I would feel drained.

The basic theory is that when you create too much of a deficit, your body will metabolize muscle instead of fat because it is a quicker source of energy.  Some people talk about going into starvation mode, or losing energy, or binge eating when you remain in too much of a deficit.

For me I am most concerned about energy.  I work out pretty hard, and I LOVE to work out hard.  When my energy is low I tend to go for quick sugars, and just feel crappy in general, thus losing motivation to go out and work hard!

For the next few weeks, especially since I am going to start Chalene Extreme next week, I have decided that I am going to try out upping my calorie goal to my BMR (Basal Metabolic Rate) to see if it makes a difference in my energy levels so I can give a more consistent effort than "week on, week off" because that's what it feels like I have been doing.  Also by eating more, and possibly slowing my rate of loss, I will be maintaining more muscle, and keeping my metabolism running higher in the long-term (at least that's the goal).

If it all works out I may stay at that calorie goal until my birthday.  NOW, I do like to switch it up every once in a while, so nothing is set in stone. I may play with it a little bit and have a week here and there where I eat less, or if I don't think its working then I may drop it down by 100 and just keep adjusting to see where my happy place is.

One of my big concerns is meeting my 30th Birthday goal of being under 200.  I still want to maintain a rate of loss that gets me there in time, and hopefully with time to spare.  (Right now I need to lose a little less than 2lbs a week until my birthday)

30 Day Shred


This week will most likely be my last one on this round of the 30 Day Shred.  I missed my workout this morning because I was exhausted from the move yesterday and a little dehydrated as I didn't get around to my normal water intake, so I spent the whole day dreading it!  I did it after my Bridge to 10k workout and it was actually ok.  It was still stupid hard but it was doable and dare I say slightly enjoyable?


Final Note


I guess I had a lot to talk about... I'm dreading/looking forward to my progress pics on Wednesday.  We'll get to see when 10 (or 11) pounds and some 30 Day Shred action actually looks like.  I feel like overall January was a very successful month for me.  Bring on February, Chalene Extreme, and Bridge to 10k.  I want to be able to run 10k + well before May because that's when I will officially start my half-marathon training!


P.S.  I am loving having real fitness goals!  They totally keep my head in the game and give me something so focus on other than what the scale says because no matter what you do, you never know what that guy is going to say!

Bubbles and more bubbles!

Wow, what a day for me!  It was very exciting. Starting with my weigh in (Um, guess who is in the 230's now? I'll give you a hint, she's got a giant smile in the picture above!)  After which I went to the Kingfisher Resort for their awesome brunch followed by a wonderfully relaxing time in their Hydropath.  

Brunch

Can you say "delicious"?  I can, this brunch was absolutely mouthwatering!  There was a whole room full of gourmet foods to choose from.  We ordered a couple of mimosas to start off the festivities and then dug right in!  I definitely had way too much food.  I made the choice to do so, and actually did make some healthier choices than I would have in the past, so all in all, I'm happy with my choices.  I didn't eat ALL of the food pictured, but I did have a fair amount.

The Hydropath

This was so awesome.  First we checked in, and had some time to spare, so we got changed and headed outside to the hot tub.  It was a very stormy day, so sitting outside in the hot tub, was extra cool today!  Here is my friend Amber and I getting ready to go downstairs to the Hydropath.

THIS, is me in my bathing suit... eeek!  I can say that it is a huge improvement in what that thing looked like on me during the summer.

Once we were ready we headed down.  It started with a shower, followed by a lumbar massage hot tub! After which we entered a waterfall station.  There were four different waterfall spots to choose from, each offering different water falls targeting different areas on the body. My favortite was the scalp massage one.  Then we moved on to the eucalyptus scented steam room, which got really hot.  Then came the glacier falls shower (brrrr). Amber pretty much dared me to stay in the freezing water for the entire 10seconds, so since I'm a sucker for a challenge, I did it!.

Once we were finished freezing our tata's off, we entered the river walk pictured below. One side was warm, and the other side was cool, and each one had a series of jets that massaged your legs as you slowly make your way through. 

Then came the mineral pool with Epsom salts, and minerals that help detoxify your body. This was so relaxing.  There was a bubble seat in this pool, as well as a rain cloud. I could have stayed for hours.  

After the mineral pool came the scrub and tub station, where we got to exfoliate and relax in stone tubs until they kicked us out!  We headed upstairs to their quiet room, where we relaxed in loungers overlooking the ocean and chatted before getting showered up and heading home.  

Below is me, post relaxation!

It was so nice to have a day to just treat myself.  No kids, no phone, no noise (well other than water).  I felt so relaxed and rejuvenated afterwards, and I can't wait to go back!

Swearing! (Absolutely horrible language, you've been warned)

Ok, so this is a little off-topic, but as I was cleaning today I got really pumped.

**Sorry if I offend anyone, but this is just a part of me**

As I was saying, I got really pumped.  When I get pumped, I start to swear.  Don't worry, my kids were down for a nap, no under-age eardrums were violated during this endeavour.

I don't know about anyone else, but swearing make me feel like such a bad-ass! (FYI, I was totally by myself, but if you're with me when I'm pumped, you will witness the same phenomenon)  So here I am dancing around my house cleaning up, totally PUMPED, and I'm saying to myself "That's right bitch, you're going to fuckin kill this weight loss journey", "Look at this clean ass kitchen you got going on!", "That fruit on display looks fan-fucking-tabulous", "Check out this sweeping action... MUTHA-FUCKA (mutha-fucka is said in that high little voice, because that's the funnest way to say it)".

Yep this daycare lady has a potty mouth.  I dunno, maybe its because around the kids, and ESPECIALLY around other peoples kids, I gotta keep this shit on lock-down, but once there are no babes around and I am pumped... there is no stopping this bitch. Even typing it is fun!

I read a study once that said its a stress reliever!  I definitely felt relieved.

Have a great week :)