Not so long ago I had a friend ask me "I just don't understand Megan, how did you get SO fat?".
I'm sure people wonder, how I got this way. Many people met me after my last successful weight-loss journey, when I was on my way back up the scale of doom.
It's pretty simple really. My diet was not good (ok, that's an understatement, it was freakin horrible).
My diet changed frequently, so here are some of the diets I used to get fat,
Eat Your Feelings Diet
Wake up on the wrong side of the bed? You deserve a Bacon Bagel and Starbucks BIG coffee for breakfast.
Jealous of someone, that calls for donuts my friend, maybe an ice cap too.
Someone pissed you off at work, better stop by a drive-thru on your way home.
Feeling self-conscious, this one calls for some closet cookie eating... you start out thinking you'll just have a couple, but then the whole darn row is gone and you don't know where the heck it went.
Feeling lonely, order a pizza and his friends pop and dessert to keep you and your gut company.
Disappointed in yourself, well then you should treat yourself with whatever treat food you can find! Buy a damn cake if it'll make you feel better.
This one was used regularly. Probably a few times a week. Obviously this is not a healthy diet, but it is a diet none-the-less.
Damn That Looks Good, I Want Some Diet
Stupid food channel and its shows, Diners, Drive Ins and Dives. Cupcake Wars, Cake Boss, Hell's Kitchen, Eat Street, The Best Thing I Ever Ate, all these shows assisted me in this diet. I would watch the shows and then go out and re-create my own versions of these gluttonous dishes. Things that also help on this diet are food courts, bakeries, weddings and parties. Sometimes when too much good stuff is around, you just gotta have it!
This diet was used most recently last summer. I have a baking album on my personal Facebook page that documents a few of these endeavours.
Grab and Go, Watch me Grow diet
Wake up late (or just plain need to go to school/work) stop at the drive-thru. Packing a lunch take 5 minutes you don't have, take 10 minutes to go get something on your lunch break. Got TV shows later you want to watch, order pizza or Chinese! Hey if you get really ambitious, shop in the frozen section and you can enjoy lasagne, chicken strips and fries, pizza, burgers, perogies, AND pretend like you made it! Its win-win... well except on the scale I guess.
I used to be so busy I had no time to cook(or so I thought at the time). Now I'm even busier, and I just make sure I'm prepared. DON'T GET ME WRONG, I still LOVE my frozen foods, but I make healthier choices or enjoy them in moderation.
I'll Start of Monday Diet
This is probably the worst diet of all. Every week you tell yourself you are going to start on Monday, so you spend the week over-indulging in all your favourite foods because you fear you will never have them again. "I'm starting Monday so I better eat pizza while I can", "I'm starting Monday so I better have McDonalds while I can", "I'm going to make a big cake, because come Monday, cake is off limits". You get the idea.
So, guess what happened on Monday? I'll give you a hint, I went from 149, to 307... You don't gain that in a week!
Inconsistent Instant Gratification diet
In this diet, you have healthy days and "Fuck it" days. On your healthy days, you do really well eating healthy foods. Then come the "Fuck it" days where you eat whatever the hell you want, because come on, you had two healthy days and you deserve a reward for your hard work. You may have times when you cycle through all the above diets. bouncing from one to another, having a healthy day here and there, but getting frustrated because you're not losing weight.
Did a lot of this one too. A LOT, there were many times where I would wake up in the morning thinking I was going to do well that day, but come dinner-time I would be like "FUCK IT" and have fast food and dessert too!
There is one common theme in the diets above, they are all full of excuses I fed myself so I could avoid feeling guilty for bad decisions.
I wouldn't normally refer to what I do now as a diet, but for the purpose of this post, I would say I am on the "Don't go overboard, eat more good than bad, but less overall, diet".