I think some of it started when I was pregnant with Annalisa. I had this desire to go out and run, but I felt trapped in my own body. My back ached, my feet ached, I had that horrible stabbing crotch pain that made just walking around painful. I remember feeling like I was having trouble breathing when I would lay down at night because when my chin was pressed towards my neck it made it hard to get air in. I was 300lbs and just plain embarrassed of myself.
After she was born I had a mini-epiphany. I had this realization that life is not permanent, and BOY was that scary. I realized that if I wanted to see more life, enjoy my children, give them a better chance at living a fulfilling life, I needed to start setting a better example. I also started believing that I wasn't going to worry *quite* so much what other people thought of me.
It started small. I went out and got my hair done how I wanted to, and not how I thought other people would like it. I bought a purse I liked, and didn't worry about if other people thought I could "pull it off". I decided to concentrate and make an effort to act with more integrity. Basically that means I lie less, to myself and to others. I used to just agree with people in order to make life easier, or in hopes they would like me but I realized I am really bad a being fake.
I tried a diet, and failed 3 weeks later. Then I fell into some old habits, and decided to bake/cook my summer away. I had been planning to start logging my foods since March, and every few days/weeks I would log a couple days here and there. I logged mostly bad days (or maybe they were just all bad days). As I worked on myself (ya know, being all honest and stuff) I was coming up with less and less excuses.
I think, on September 13th, when Crystal asked me the question "Are you going first or am I", it was a combination of running out of excuses, embarrassment and accountability. I was just done. Done with lying to myself, and done with disappointing others in the process. Also, I didn't want to look like a flake to Crystal any more, although she's been around long enough I'm sure she can draw her own conclusions on that one!
Also, I just went back and checked my diary on MFP and the first few weeks were not pretty. It took me a while to get the hang of it. The first two weeks I ended up eating on average almost 2000 calories per day! Even after that period I was doing lots of things I should be, over on my calories, and eating a lot of nutrition-less foods.
People might look at my journey, or the journey of other successful weight losers and get discouraged thinking we did everything perfectly from the start. I am here do say, that for me at least, I DIDN'T! It took my a long time to get the hang of it and I am STILL improving, the biggest part of my success is that I REFUSE to give up. I take my bad days and get over them. I have tired days (like today I am exhausted and wanting to binge eat like... hmmm, well like I used to), I just do the best that I can, and try more often then I give up.