Wednesday, 25 April 2012

Up... Down... Up... Down... Up... Down...

Ok, so I know most journeys to success probably aren't straight-forward and simple.  It seems like it should be, you know, like something just clicks and its all "inspirational" and "inspiring" from then on.  

For a while I tried judging my "old self" planning out a day in the life of "old me".  Then looking back on it and snickering "Wow, I don't know how I ever ate that much, I could never do that again".  Then I slip-up and feel angry with myself for letting me down.  For proving that that girl still exists inside me. 

I look back with tinted glasses since I made "the change" in September.  I keep thinking to myself "I was doing so much better before, why am I feeling so challenged now?".  The truth is, when I go back in my food diary I can see that I have been struggling the entire way.  I have good days, bad days, good weeks, bad weeks, and the ONLY thing I have stayed consistent with is being able to pick myself up and move forward. 

What I am getting at is that this journey, at least in my case, is full of ups and downs.  I have good weeks (like last week) and rough weeks (like this one). Its not even that simple.  I'm actually doing 'ok' on the diet side, and I'm still injured so I've been doing what I can but trying not to push it.  It's more mental for me this week.  I just feel like I'm having a rough week.  

That's how I woke up this morning, and it was only made worse when I stepped on the scale because I'm stupid.  I should have known it was going to be mean.  I mean really, I enjoyed myself with no restrictions on Sunday, I haven't been drinking as much water, and I did my first almost intense workout in a week last night.  Oh wait, and my body tends to hold on to a little extra water during this particular part of my month.  So basically I have EVERY reason to be holding on to water.  

I was up 4lbs from last weeks low of 214.8 to 218.8.  

Even though I know better, it made me feel like crap.  

While I have come a long way from where I started I am still fighting the same battle I was in September, I am not cured, or a new person, or anything dramatic, I'm just me with the belief that I will succeed more times than I fail.   

Interesting Fact:  10 years ago when I lost 90lbs it took me 2 full years.  This time I did it in one year, without trying for 4 months of that time.   Also I did it in a bunch of different stages with time in between each one.  I'm starting to think I may have been onto something mentally.  Its exhausting to continuously go full steam ahead.

1 comment:

  1. It is an amazingly exhausting journey. Especially for my OCD type, it can wear on your every core nerve. I agree ~ the only thing I've found that is constant, is that you have to pick yourself back up off the floor and do it again. Change the attitude to "I gained a few pounds so what's the point?" to "I gained a few pounds, time to lose them again."


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